Flying, falling...

I'm flying falling
wonderin' if you even think of me
I'm free falling
wonderin' if you ever feel for me
I'm free falling
down into
nothingness


numb my heart
change my feelings
lock my heart away
somewhere safe, somewhere safe
fall away, fall away
so we can be
nothing more

than just

a pale vision

of yesterday's dreamers

Il est temps que je m'explique

It is time for me to explain myself

I hate the beach
I hate the shifting sands
in which my ankles get into a panic
I hate the shoulders -
sunburnt to the second degree
I hate the rusted vans
of ice-cream sellers
I hate the faded covers
of summer magazines
I hate the third hour after midday
when it might just as well be five
It is, still, the sea that
displeases me the least
but to reach it
It is necessary to cross the beach

- My translation of 'Il est temps que je m'explique' by Pierre Douvres (below)

Je hais la plage
Je hais le sable incertain
ou la cheville s'affole
Je hais les omoplates
des brûlés du deuxième degré
Je hais la camionnette rouillée
du marchand de glaces
Je hais la couverture délavée
des magzines de l'été
Je hais trois heures de l'après-midi
quand il pourrait tout aussi bien en être cinq
C'est encore la mer qui me déplairait le moins
mais pour l'atteindre
il faut traverser la plage

Grow Old With Me

friend.
face me
now
look into my eyes

I care for you
can't you tell

i'm longing for the words to say
a chance to express
my feelings for you

but I can't

grow old with me
not before the time
that was meant
for

us to be

Grow old with
me
Grow old with
me
Grow old with


me

What's life without friends?

HELL

Let Love Grow

A while back I told someone that I liked him. Very much. He replied that he liked me too. But that he was comfortable with the relationship we had. He asked me what I wanted to see in the relationship and I said the first thing that came into my mind, 'I hope to see love grow'. I asked him then, what he'd like to see and he told me that he wanted to see me happy.

Recently, I've been going through alot. Moving out, financial disputes with my mother... on top of this I've been grappling with my emotions for this person. What does he want really? What does he mean when he says he wants to see me happy? And what do i mean when I say 'i hope to see love grow?'

It's hard, when you really like someone and you don't know where to go from there. You don't really know where to put your feelings or what to do about your emotional attachment to that person.

Today, I found this song! it's called 'Let Love Grow' How apt. It's a pretty open-ended song I think. But the words, 'Love is decision and sacrifice and without them love cannot go on' struck me the most. That's when I checked out the title of the song and found out that the title was 'Let Love Grow'

Decision and Sacrifice. That's a really interesting concept. Love is often associated with feelings and emotions. But in fact, Love is more than just that. It's a conscious effort involving decision and sacrifice.

I wonder now how often have i applied that with the people in my life? Especially with my family? That's something that will take some time to sort out.

For now. I will let the flowers grow.

Lyrics to 'Let Love Grow' by Paul Colman Trio

You know that you're such a lonely child
Did you ever let me know?
You say our love was an oversight
And now that you're gone you can grow

And there you go

Love is emotion and wanderlust
And feelings too deep for a song
But love is decision and sacrifice
And without them love can't go on

But there you go
There you go

Bring back the flowers of spring in this heart
Heal up the wounds that have torn us apart
Fall like the rain in the midst of a drought
And wherever you go
Let love grow

Time to pick up these pieces and start again
And draw a new map of the world
The regeneration of all of creation
Begins with a soul that will turn

So here I go
Here we go

Aloha!

It was Praptee's birthday today. Antish and Jenn bought pizza and Phillip, their friend who helped us to fix the internet joined in the celebration. We took lots of photos; One of the four pizza's from California 2 for 1 doubled up as her Birthday cake.

After dinner, I played a couple of songs... 'Come here' by Kath Bloom, at Praptee's request. It's her favorite song ever, from the soundtrack of Before Sunset. I also played 'More than words' very rustily, at Jenn's request. keke.

Later on we went to the 'Wine Connection' at Mohammed Sultan. It was so fun. One of the waiters looked really familiar and i realized i met him at the Stasis gig. He was one of the 'extra' rah rah boys at 'The Pinholes' gig. It was pretty cool. He gave me alot of leads into the local music scene. Very useful for my thesis i think. Well, that is, as soon as I come up with a thesis statement.

We also met this Irish chap. When Praptee was working there, he dropped by regularly, on his own, always ordering a bottle of wine for himself and a cheese plate. We were heading off after our bottle of white wine and he said hi to Praptee, I told him that it was her Birthday and he invited us to join him for a chat.

It was pretty interesting. The more you talk to people from all over the world, the more you realize how much you have in common. He's into Placebo and good gigs. Ok, admittedly I'm not into Placebo, yet, although I attended their gig at Zouk years back. But still...

Later on, Praps and I went for a walk along Clarke Quay. They've completely 'plasticized' the place. The whole place is covered with some mutation of a giant umbrella and all the eateries have been transformed into, as Praps says, 'lifeboats'. It sucks. Whatever vestiges of character the place once had is now completely gone. The place is a fucking franchise.

Anyways, we walked right to the end of Clarke Quay, where the bungee jump is. Next, we sat ourselves down by the side of the river and lay down.

'Why is it that in Singapore you can't see the stars?' Praps asks me.

'Coz' in Singapore the lights are too bright, even at night, it's unnaturally bright - all the buildings are lighted up; that's why you don't see the stars' I tell her in my half-drunken state.

I doze off for a while. And upon waking I say, 'hey praps, wanna head back? It's getting late...'

We head back... walking slowly, leisurely... and I take a slow drive back to the Gold Coast. It has been a beautiful night out. We have lived. Today.

Moving

I'm moving
home
moving on

waving goodbye
to pieces
and shards of memories that
have gone skewed along the way

I'm moving
on
I'm moving
onwards, upwards, forwards

I'm moving in closer
to the prize
to which you call me to

I'm moving in closer
to the love you
long to lavish on me

I'm moving in closer
to knowing you lord

closer to you

Color Therapy

Brown
You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.


Which color are you?

http://web.tickle.com/invite?test=1108&type=t

always right

you're always right
if you give up the fight
you're always wrong
if you sing your own song

you know where you're going
when you fit with the masses
you know what you're doing
when you act like all the other asses

if you choose to be free
would you dare to embrace it
if you choose to be happy
would you not want to face it

would you run away from the secrets
of your calling
would you taste the bitter pill
to keep from falling

into the the pit of emotional dependence
and of helpless infatuation
the hope of love that is always one step away?
would you dare to scale the heights
if you never knew for sure

what you'd see at the top?

always right. don't take the risk
of not taking the risk

is it really worth it?