Something about Melayu

Today I watched 'Something about Melayu' with Angie, Tham, Clem, and Jimmy. It was really good. They covered so many issues about being malay in Singapore. There were a great number of scenes that just killed me with the funniness! Like the Malay Taxi driver, the subconsciously gay malay guy. I can't describe it, i wouldn't do justice to it.

The delivery was amazing. There was this scene where the Mother was talking about her frustrations with her daughther and her useless drunk of a husband, and there was so much emotion, i mean, real emotion, in her voice. I didn't have to look at her, I could just listen.. it was like really listening to someone sharing her troubles with me: for awhile, the stage disappeared and I was right there with the angst-ridden and tired mother, listening to her pour out her heart.

I really wish i understood malay, then i would get the jokes and other parts of the play so much better.

This is probably the best play i've seen in ages...so far there's been nothing quite as genuine, honest, bitingly funny and as refreshing as this play. I guess coz' the actors were working with what they knew, rather than re-enacting some play written by some big-name angmoh playwright from somewhere like America or the UK.

I liked the penultimate line in the play, it went something like, 'you thought this play would be about malays, but actually, it's about Man, who just happens to be Malay.'

So true.

Goodbyes are never easy

When you go
don't you know
a piece of my heart goes with you

When you say goodbye
don't you know
my mouth says 'see ya'
but my heart says.. 'please, don't go'

When you turn around
and wave before walking away
I know that
someone special is leaving me.

I'll see you soon,
in less than 8 years
I hope! =)

Brother

Did you know I care for you?
Did you know that it makes me sad to hear you're sad?

Today your heart is bleeding
Today your head is aching
with painful thoughts of what could have been
what is, and what it should be
what is lacking.

But tomorrow
you'll feel better
just let this moment pass

Life will get better soon
Trust me
Just let it ride
I know how you feel

I know how you think that it's never going to get

any better

But it will

Coz' i'm here today.

And i know it's so.

Birthday schtick

Your Birthdate: November 11

Your birth on the 11th day of the month makes you something of a dreamer and an idealist. You work well with people because you know how to use persuasion rather than force. There is a strong spiritual side to your nature, and you may have intuitive qualities inherent in your make up, too. You are very aware and sensitive, though often temperamental. Although you have a good mind and you are very analytical, you may not be comfortable in the business world. You are definitely creative and this influence tends to make you more of a dreamer than a doer.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

morning

i'm easing into the morning
the birds are chirping
i'm eating my papaya
and dreaming of popiah

did i tell you i love mornings?
when the sunlight streams into our rooms
and the temperature isn't too hot?

If an entire day had to consist of
just a couple of hours
I'd choose mornings

with the beautiful sunshine
that guides my heart

in these blessed hours.

Dinner

I had dinner with Dad today. He told me that when I move out, my mom will call me alot. And i flippantly said, 'I'll change my number', half-meaning it almost. And he said, 'Don't be like that lah, be good to mom even when you've moved out'

And then he went on to say... 'another thing, don't blame mom for the divorce, i'm also to blame. When I was younger and married mom, I didn't know how to treat her to make her feel secure. If i had the wisdom that I have now, I still would have married mom, and the marriage would have worked. She's a fine woman, and I enjoyed the time i spent with her.'

'A fine woman'

Tell me what a fine woman is
Is she someone who supplicates
pleases, bends?

Is she someone who would cleave to
a man?
Is she someone who blends, chops, stews, purees?
Like the kitchen-aid helpers
they used to sell on commercial TV?

What is a fine woman?
is she someone refined?
who does not say 'FUCK IT!!!!' even when she's in despair
and ready to pull out her hair?

What is acceptable?
For her to work, and clean and bear little
cookie-cutter images of herself and the man?

What is a fine woman?
Is she like wine? Does she grow more beautiful and full-bodied
with the passage of time
or does she turn sour and old and ready to be thrown out
with the trash?

I just want to be me
Can't you see
It's all a masquerade

I just want to be who
i am.
Not a girlfriend,
not a wife,
not a mother...

not a citizen,
not a student,
not a teacher,
not a christian,

I just want to be me.

Not a fine woman.

Escape

This song has been running thru' my head and been on repeat for two days.. and counting!!!!!! I love Pina Coladas!!!


Escape (The Pina Colada Song)

(Rupert Holmes)

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long.
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.
At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you."
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew"..

"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

Searching

She wakes in the shadows of a setting sun
alone again
Her thoughts drift of
to happenings
10 years earlier

Why does it seem like a dream
why does it seem like everything is a haze these days?

No matter,
where's that bit of hash
she'd taken from George the day before?

'I've got to do the laundry'
she thinks to herself
as she stumbles among the pile of broadshorts covered with sand
and dried up surf

searching for the light and paper and grass
that will
put her back

to where she wants to be.

Pain

Why do i feel this constant pain in my heart?
When will it ever go away?
Why do i wish to see you?
Should i wake the dead? Is it profane?
When will i ever know?

Why does your passing remind me of childhood
My lost and cherished years
an eternal space that is lost to me
forever it seems

and where can i find the answers?
When my heart feels so numb and heavy?
What desire is there in me?
I've lost my first love

Why is there this pain in my heart
When will it ever go away?

not guilty

I plead not guilty
to every single thing you
accuse me of

So sue me!
I will not be affected
by your condemnations

What's true
What's not
What's right
what's wrong

I've got a friend
and he loves another man.
Is there a problem with that?

I love him too
And I cannot say any longer

What's wrong or what's right
coz' I know the heart wants to
find an answer
and the answer is
sometimes just the warmth
of another body at night.

I shall not want

I shall not want
when you lead me
down that quiet narrow road

I shall not want
when I see your face
and know you're here beside me

I shall not want
when i feel the peace
that so readily eludes me

I shall not want
when I'm left wanting
not for anything else
but more of you.

On friendship - Kahlil Gibran

Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.


When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.


And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.


Reading the above really speaks to me. Especially these lines, 'And let your best be for your friend.If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.', and 'And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.' and 'And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.'
It's truly the little things man...like polka dots and things associated with them... haha... these past few weeks i've been meeting up with old friends. And i realize... friends are so darn important! It's been a real comfort and joy to be with them even in the midst of loss. My friends have been with me through both grief and joy... and that's an amazing feeling. it changes me.

Uncle Keeyong's Wake

DO NOT STAND AT MY GRAVE AND WEEP

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

Mary Frye (1932)

Uncle Keeyong had asked that this poem should be read at his wake. I see him in my mind's eye along with all the images that this poem invokes... and I will remember him the next time I catch a glimpse of beauty.

I still can't help but cry alittle. If only for the fact that I will never see him in person again. However, I feel really comforted that he's with God now - words can never explain how much the reassurance and confirmation I got tonight at the wake(that he is safe with Jesus) has done for me. I feel that even in Uncle K's death, I've been brought closer to the love of God.

Today, during his wake, so many people shared about his generousity, his humour, his love for poetry and words, his idealism, his deliberately unruly mannerisms that were intended to, and did, shock many people.

Above all, what we remember about him is his love for people. He loved us and many other people from all different walks of life very well... as his good friend Kim Joo put it, 'How many of you have your hawkers come to visit you in the hospital?'

Looking at his life makes me want to cherish the people I love better - makes me want to be more generous with my money, makes me want to be friends with all kinds of different people, makes me want to read and spend more time in quiet meditation
... makes me want to be more real.

As the Pastor at tonight's wake who shared with me the verse from Matthew 7:21-23 says, 'it's the action (that counts).'

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'








Thank you God for answering my prayers for Uncle K.

My first Earthquake ever

I was lying in Satomi's room today, reading Ernest Hemingway's 'across the river and into the trees' when I felt these really strong vibrations coming from the ceiling above. At first I thought the neighbors upstairs were doing some serious jumping around/having really intense skipping sessions... then the shaking came from below as well... for a good 10 seconds the shaking continued and then i realized that it was an earthquake!

Apparently, Japan has about 1000 earthquakes a year.. some of them too small to be discerned. Today's earthquake was 5.2 on the richter scale. The train system has stopped due to the earthquake and Satomi's brother is stuck on the Westside of Tokyo.

Satomi told me that if the earthquake was about 6 or 7 on the richter scale, there would be Tsunamis and all the buildings in the area would be destroyed by the waves or the earthquake - Shiba is next to the ocean.

Anyway, Satomi told me all this on our walk to the beach today, an hour or two after the earthquake. It's a good thing we decided to stay at home and rest today, otherwise we would still be stuck in tokyo at 10pm.

The beach was really lovely. The sky seemed alot bigger than any other sky I've seen in a long time. We walked right out on the pier.. it was about 700 metres out into the sea... on the right hand side the sun illuminated the sky and the sea and the water was calm... birds flew close to the water surface. Immediately on the right hand side of the pier, the water was dark and choppy while the sky was cloudy and overcast. It was such a contrast... almost as if we were in two different places at the same time with the pier acting as a boundary between the two places with such disparate scenarios.

The weather was really cool and there was a bracing breeze. I felt really happy and relaxed and found myself wishing that I lived somewhere more quiet and peaceful, like Shiba. As we walked back along the pier and saw some old men bringing in their nets and their catch for the day, I felt really lucky. I felt lucky to be able to stay with Satomi and catch a real glimpse of Japanese life in her family and in the neighborhood in which she lives.

Harajuku and Enoki mushrooms wrapped in Bacon

Finally visited the famed Harajuku today.. and I can see why people make such a big fuss of it. Really big, fancy brand name boutiques next to bohemian cafes and indepedent kitsch fashion stores... there's alot of scope for imagination here and lots or opportunity for the creative juices to flow.
I took a picture of a single house along a strip of clothes stores. It just seemed so unique and incongruous among all the funky, jazzed up clothes stores around the area. Satomi and I headed to a sidewalk cafe later on and had the most scumptious cakes and watched the fashionable crowds pass us by.

By the time we had our fill of flipping through Vogue and Elle in the cafe and watching the world go by... it was already 5pm and we began to walk back to the train station to take the JR train back to Kemigawa Hama. It takes about an hour to get back from Tokyo.

Satomi's mom made the most yummy dinner tonight. She made Enoki mushrooms wrapped in Bacon, I had these in a Japanese Yakitori Bar in NYC and was raving about them to Satomi, so she suggested them when her mom asked her what she should cook for dinner. They were absolutely delectable; Satomi's mom also made these Gyoza with Shiso leaf inside and ... I'm quite certain I have never enjoyed any Gyozas better than those I had tonight.

So... as you can see, I'm getting very well fed here in Japan. But I'm not going to put on weight... coz' I went running today... haha... i explored around the area and I think japanese people have really learnt how to make the best of limited space. The phrase that would sum up how they have done this is ... 'small is beautiful'. From small plates, saucers and cups, to box like cars and Tiny gardens with beautifully manicured trees and compact but aesthetically pleasing homes.. Japan really does epitomize that phrase : 'small is beautiful' in more ways than one.

In Japan and pissed off about nasty neighbors in SG

I'm now using the computer in Sophia University or Jiu Tchi Dai Gaku, as they call it. It's been great staying with Satomi in Shiba. I love her room.. it's really quiet where she stays and I've been able to get more sleep and get over the jet-lag and sleepless nights that have been plauging me since NYC.

I went to Shibuya today and to be honest, i don't really like it. Too crowded and commercialized for my liking. But I guess that's Tokyo for you. I like the area around here better, it seems more laid back and much less crowded.

I'm feeling quite pissed off - I just got this email from my mom that my neighbors complained that our family had been a source of noise pollution for a long time eversince we moved in. What bullshit! Our next door neighbors have been a nasty source of air pollution since even before we moved in... they keep on burning their incense papers and stinking up all the other apartments in the vicinity. It's against HDB rulings to do that and they continually do it, regardless of the fact that the smoke permeates into other peoples houses and stinks up the place.

Ok, so granted, I played the guitar at 6am one morning... but so what.. .it's not like I do that all the time. In fact, I almost never do it! To be honest, I really dislike my neighbors. Makes my blood boil just to think of how mean and inconsiderate they have been in regards to their burning of incense papers and how intolerant they are over alittle bit of morning noise.

Also, I don't get why the HDB hasn't taken more serious measures against them because I have complained several times but it doesn't seem like anything is being done to ensure that they stop burning incense paper along the corridor. Seems like there's some kind of double standard going on here.

Grrr...

Last few days in NYC

Yesterday Mich, Natascha and I went to watch 'Me, you and everyone we know.' It was a great movie with some really enduring parts. I liked the soundtrack better though. The movie was at West 4th Station, next to Greenwich village.
There was a basketball tournament going on in the courts opposite the theatre and as Natascha and I arrived early we stood on the outside and watched. It was great fun...all of the people on the team were black and really tall, save for this one white boy that was a good half head shorter than most of the people on the team.
Anyway, it was the grey against the black team and the grey team won by a score of 108 to 105. Both teams were really good, but the grey team kept getting these free throws for some reason. I reckon that's how they won.
I noticed that all of them were sponsored by Nike - I read in 'No Logo' that that's how Nike promotes it's image of 'cool', going to the streets, the common people and identifying what moves them and then leaving their imprint (the sponsored outfits) on them.
After the movie, we went for a drink at a cafe further down the road. It's called Cafe Reggio. Really cute little cafe with an old proprietor who is quite a character. There were a bunch of old men outside the cafe (and one 30'40ish black man sitting with them) One of the middle-aged men was playing his guitar... he did alot of cool numbers like, 'With a little help from my friends'
and other Beatles hits. I asked him if he could play any Paul Simon songs and he obliged by playing 'Me and Julio' and 'Mrs Robinson'. It was pretty cool, we were all singing along.
Natascha kept on egging me on to play and she told them that I could play and sing, so they started pressuring me to play too. And I obliged them.
I did the usual, like 'High and dry', 'Big Yellow Taxi' and 'I don't know how to love him' - the old man who played the guitar was like a walking dictionary of lyrics, he knew the lyrics to all the songs he played and all the songs I played to a fault, except 'High and dry' - the black man knew the lyrics to the chorus of 'High and dry' though.
Anyway, before we left, the old man played 'Sound of Silence' as a finale and goodbye. It was beautiful.
I'll miss New York.

Jersey

Just got back to NYC from New Jersey. Spent a day there with Michelle and her family. It was quite good. Being there and seeing her with her family just kinda reminded me of being in Vancouver and hanging out with my relatives there. It's such a F-A-M-I-L-Y feeling... and it's actually really nice.

Her brother Marvin, is a real sweetie too.. And her boyfriend, Paul... super nice. Actually picked me up from NYC and drove me all the way there. Too good.

Today

Dear God,
help me to walk in your way
help me to dream your dreams
and listen to you

If you whisper words of wisdom in my inner ear
will I listen Lord?
Help me to

Years go by
And I've been looking for someone who understands

My old friend.
You and I... we've known each other for so long...

It's time for you and I to get reaqquainted.
Father, take me on this journey.

I want to know you again

Crushin'

I'm crushin' on ya'
did you know
I'm crushin' on ya but you're crushin on him
I don't mind so much
hangin out with ya
is enough fer me

I'm crushin on ya
how silly is that
I'm crushin on ya'
don't tell me not to do that

I'm crushin on ya
maybe coz' we sleep together
but never make love?

I'm crushin on ya
and i'm lovin you.