free me before i go

if you knew
how easily my heart could give
if you knew
how quickly my thoughts can change
if you knew
how much i long to tell you

this

i'm not yours to keep
my heart is an ocean
and i'm longing for

again

the words to say
to you
to tell you
the one thing that I find it hard to say

The one thing that burdens me today
free me
or i will never be free
Love me
and let me go
but please know

You are in my heart always.

MAARRRRG!!

I hate exams. Me jus wanna chill and poke around.

wo shi shui?

wo shi shui?
wo shi shui?
wo wei shen me
bu neng jiang hua yui hao
wo shi shui
wo shi shui?
wo na li ke yi suan shi
hua ren ne?
wo shi shui?
wo shi shui?
nar yi ke yan yu pei wo hao?
ying yu
hai shi
hua yu
tai kou yu
hai shi
fa gou yu
wo shi shui?
wo da di shi shui?

My Heart Will Trust

Even when the tides
are against me
when the winds
buffet against the sails of my soul
and I am left
breathless
cold,
huddled in damp sweat

glistening in the chill, alone
in the choppy sea

When you tell me
to walk
I will
When you tell me
to stop
I will
When you tell me nothing
Lord
I will wait on you

When the distant stars have faded
When the world is in it's final
throes
When the heavens are agape and
trembling
When all that travels the earth
is lurid dustballs
and roaches that scuttle to and fro

When all I have ever known and come to love
has come and gone to pass
When faces and places
are distant memories
When the earth is
a cold, dead place
Lord.

My soul will find its rest in you.

Touche

Make me a Frenchman
or a dreamboat from Spain
Youthful advances shalt not
be restrained
When I sit alone and
Think for a while
thoughts dissapate
where questions used to prowl
Make me a gentleman
or a rake from
the States
I have no need of Charm
to beguile
When my thoughts are
with you, when my words
are few,
When all that
enters sits on the sill
longing for the
day that I can
meet with you.

Cult Classic?

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

A Beautiful Irony

Met up with my classmates for lunch today. I-jean, Alvin and Auds were there. Auds was teasing Alvin over alledgedly having a new gf. But he was being secretive and evasive about it. We lunched for about an hour or so... for a significant part of it, Audrey was quarrelling with her boyfriend over the phone and trying to get him to book tickets for tomorrow's opening of Harry Potter... he was not cooperating so she ended up saying ,'eh, don't be a fucker lah you' ... apparently according to her, 'fucker' is a term of endearment between them. She was complaining about how her bf. is like a tape-recorder ... i'm thinking to myself, they sound like an old married couple who can't stand each other!!!! And they're not even married yet.

Anyways, I guess people all have very different ideas about relationships. My relationship with Alvin wasn't the most harmonious and loving relationship either...

As we parted ways, Alvin went to the bus-stop with me to wait for the feeder bus. He's still as rude as ever and i ended up whacking him with my book. But at the bus-stop I said, 'So? Do you have a new Girlfriend?' he hedged for awhile, and then replied cheekily, 'i have alot of girlfriends'

Then, I say, 'Oh c'mon, you can tell me'

Then he says, 'Yeah, I got a new girlfriend'

'What's her name?

Alvin looks embarrassed.

'is it the girl I saw you with that time in Holland V?'

'No that was my colleague'

'So what's her name?'

'You know her ....'

'Hui Hui?'

'Yeah...'

'I knew it! Even when we were goin out I knew it!!!'(triumphantly)

(Hui Hui was his coursemate in University. She used to hang out with his gang in Uni. When i was going out with Alvin, she was the only girl I'd ever get unreasonably jealous and insecure about. It was just a gut feeling I couldn't explain, but I felt she and Alvin were much better suited than I was with him ... =) And I guess I was right!)

The rest of our dialogue follows, for a couple more seconds before my bus arrives.

'No...Lah, last time never'

'Oh.. no, I knew that you weren't goin to act on it ... but I knew you guys were suited la...... '

'Last time it would never have happpened la.. coz' she wasn't a christian wat'

'Oh, she's christian now?'

'Yes, of course, definitely'

'Cool! So are you happy then?'

'Yah'

'That's cool, I'm glad for you'

And my bus comes... and I board the bus, beep my card, turn around to wave at Alvin, who's still smiling his big smile back at me- the big smile that he would flash me whenever I'd turn around from my table to look at him when were were classmates in Junior College. When he was still 'Alvin Airhead' to me and I was still 'Dee- BRa' to him....

It's such a beautiful irony, to know that I was right all along about him and Hui Hui... I'm glad for him... yet, there's another part of me that feels sad and tender. It's a final goodbye to any illusions about a youthful romance that I had once cherished. It's a bittersweet feelin.

But I'm glad. Coz' I know that they are so much happier together than Alvin and I ever were or ever could be.

And as for me... oh well.... perhaps one day i'll find my prince. If not, i'll keep a cat.

=)

Life is always throwing curveballs at us. But... mercy! for for beautiful ironies like these!

Thank God.

Malay Lesson

I had the benefit of malay language tips from a friend today.

Ah Macham - Hi, How are you?

Pergi Mana? - Where you going?

Buat apa? - Do what?

Minum apa? - Drink what?

apa kau jakap? - What are you talking about?

penat sey - Tired la

ngan tuk sey - sleep la

We were shopping around in Cold Storage today. And guess what, we saw racist tea. Yeah.. truly, =) guess what the brand was?

'Ahmad Tea'

I told him i would buy it for him this Christmas.

keke. =)

Life gets more interesting everyday. I feel like flying over to Seattle to visit my brother. I just can't take it anymore. Just want to be there.

Quiet Heart

Shatter-post
fall agape
strip in naked
fall upon me
spirit

I know nothing
assume much
beg for all
hope for nothing

just fall into me and
grant me a quiet heart

I pray

grant me a quiet heart

Quiz

I've done similar quizzes to this before. This one I found on Vincent's site is surprising accurate/illuminating ... at least for this stage of my life i'm going thru'. Try it

http://quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx


Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

feel

i want to feel again
i want to touch again
i want to know again
what it feels like to be loved

i want to feel again
i want to come alive again
i want to know again
what it feels like to truly hurt

i want to love again
i want to be honest again
i want to trust again
And enter into the heart of God

If Time were a seedless lament

If time was a seedless lament
And you were a friend -
If I could put my heart into your hands
And know that you’d be gentle with it

What would we be?

If love were a weed
That grew by an abandoned, dusty road
Unacknowledged, un-witnessed
Unseen...

Where would our love grow?

If hope were a reason for knowing

Would you tell me the secrets of your heart?
Would you let me in and let the angst depart?

Trust is broken, breached, whipped and hurt.
Love is touched, held under jury
Winged eternal, subject to
The hail and fury
Of flawed creatures – you and me

If love was a story
What would yours be?

You make me laugh Tofu!

You make me laugh
so much, so hard, so specially...

in the way that only you can

I read your letter today

and I laughed. More than I've laughed this entire day

If I could pack you in a bag and carry you everywhere

I go.

I'd pack you tofu.

A box of tofu laughs.

I still miss you

What words are there left to say
when thoughts that filter into my mind
are memories
words you said to me
memories of you

the you that remains
in me.
After your passing

This grief is rebirthing in me
something
I never knew I had in me

The you that remains
in me.