Dinner

I had dinner with Dad today. He told me that when I move out, my mom will call me alot. And i flippantly said, 'I'll change my number', half-meaning it almost. And he said, 'Don't be like that lah, be good to mom even when you've moved out'

And then he went on to say... 'another thing, don't blame mom for the divorce, i'm also to blame. When I was younger and married mom, I didn't know how to treat her to make her feel secure. If i had the wisdom that I have now, I still would have married mom, and the marriage would have worked. She's a fine woman, and I enjoyed the time i spent with her.'

'A fine woman'

Tell me what a fine woman is
Is she someone who supplicates
pleases, bends?

Is she someone who would cleave to
a man?
Is she someone who blends, chops, stews, purees?
Like the kitchen-aid helpers
they used to sell on commercial TV?

What is a fine woman?
is she someone refined?
who does not say 'FUCK IT!!!!' even when she's in despair
and ready to pull out her hair?

What is acceptable?
For her to work, and clean and bear little
cookie-cutter images of herself and the man?

What is a fine woman?
Is she like wine? Does she grow more beautiful and full-bodied
with the passage of time
or does she turn sour and old and ready to be thrown out
with the trash?

I just want to be me
Can't you see
It's all a masquerade

I just want to be who
i am.
Not a girlfriend,
not a wife,
not a mother...

not a citizen,
not a student,
not a teacher,
not a christian,

I just want to be me.

Not a fine woman.