Almost there

You know the feeling. You're almost there, but not quite. Things are almost perfect, but you're waiting for the shoe to drop. The cup is half full. But also half empty.

Life's good.

But the sad part is that the people who should matter most to you do not constitute any part of this joy or happiness. In fact, they're the ones that give you the most grief. And you realize, you don't want them to be a part of your life anymore because it just hurts too much. It's a crumbling aching feeling that you can do nothing about. It's a fucked up, bitter feeling... like a rancid, septic welt that cannot heal, no matter what you do.

In the bible it says that there's a time for love and a time to hate. A time to embrace and a time to refrain. Forgiveness will come when the time for it comes, but for now, I think the first person i need to forgive, is really, just myself. A good friend told me this, that before you can forgive others, you need to be able to forgive yourself. I need space and time to understand what it means to truly forgive myself and to let go of the past. I need time and space to get away from all that's hurting me - the people that make me feel bad. I need to forgive myself for being human.

I'm moving out soon - looking forward to a fresh beginning and further growth spiritually, emotionally and mentally.

I'm almost there. I'll get there soon. I know.