The Beloved

Four walls,
Encased
in the living, brooding black
Hot, crackling fury writhes in the vacuum
I crave, I thirst,
I am crawling on my knees

but

Your words,
they break me
They feel like
shattered glass
and the screaming hammer
against the door

A child, blithely
Bouncing, up and down
Up and down
on the mattress.
Even as the world
Crumbles and implodes in the universe of
Her heart

and

The door is marked
With the deep round imprints of unmitigated
Rage.

Give me space not
Broken nights harnessed
By the gnawing, nameless
Certainty that

Tomorrow,

I’ll see the image
Of your back
Walking out on us again

…

Brother, when you read the news
At the dining table, sunlight filters
Thru’ thru my mind

You sit quietly,
in silent enjoyment
That picture fills my heart
And the noise clears my head.

I travel through the
Amazon,
a myriad maze,
Lurid jungle book

The endless tirade,
Those tin gods
Those yells,
Those lusty, knowing voices that
Insist, persist on telling me
With such intense glee

“You’re Wrong
That’s your name
You’re Wrong
You’re Wrong

wash the dishes
clean the house
scrub up, work hard,

SMILE,

Even harder,
Slam down the competition
With your grades,
If you can…

Shut your mouth, … and maybe
Just maybe
Things will get better

But only
if you can
learn how to be good,
can’t you learn how to be
like all your friends?
Can’t you learn how to be
Like them?

This house of cards
Will stand maybe
If you SHAPE UP
If you BEHAVE
If you ERASE YOURSELF
And BECOME LIKE THEM
YOU SICK,
FUCK UP,
YOU PATHETIC LITTLE PIECE OF…”

are silenced.

…

I stumble out
onto a vast green field.

Blinded by the burning sun,
assaulted by the sudden scent
fisticuffs of daffodils
dappling the green, green… green grass,
Fear screams in impotent protest
Then fades away,

And the flowers
wink in quiet
acknowledgement

as if to say ...



….

I breathe deep,
bow down low to a single daffodil
Hold it between my palms
And kiss its thirsty face,
Beauty explodes

Reservoirs of tears,
Engulf me,
Filling the ache.
Reminding me, again
That I am,

The Beloved.