She came a-biting to the biting post
and left the scratches
there
made her mark. Or so it seem upon a whistling afternoon
in filtered sunshine
He left his touch on the one he loved
and despised
because he saw his brokenness reflected
in the grey limpid pools
that greeted him
each time they melded into one
The left together
paving their way to the sunset strip
they left little behind
their forlorn ways
their broken fun
their hopeful tomorrows
like empty melon rinds
Friday, April 29, 2005
Monday, April 25, 2005
Buddhism???
I always knew why there was a reason i was drawn to Thailand.
| You scored as Buddhism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Buddhism. Do more research on Buddhism and possibly consider becoming Buddhist, if you are not already. In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths: (1) Life is suffering. (2) All suffering is caused by ignorance of the nature of reality and the craving, attachment, and grasping that result from such ignorance. (3) Suffering can be ended by overcoming ignorance and attachment. (4) The path to the suppression of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path, which consists of right views, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right-mindedness, and right contemplation. These eight are usually divided into three categories that base the Buddhist faith: morality, wisdom, and samadhi, or concentration. In Buddhism, there is no hierarchy, nor caste system; the Buddha taught that one's spiritual worth is not based on birth.
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com |
Saturday, April 23, 2005
First impressions and psycho killers
A few years back my tuition kid posed this riddle to me. Which I couldn't figure out. Apparently it was a good thing i couldn't coz' if i did it meant that i would have the mind of a psycho killer.
seriously, it was used as a test for all the psycho killers in some American prison and all of them answered spot on. I was chilled!
But anyway, after that i met up with a group of friends. In this group was this new guy i never met before. I posed the riddle to them and none of them could answer it. Except this guy. I was chilled. And assiduously avoided this guy.... erm...actually i just never ran into him again after that...on no effort of my own.
Funny thing is.. this year, i ran into him. And guess what... in my French tutorial of all places. (French tutorials are pretty small and cosy). So anyway, he turned out to be one of the cooler pp. in the class that i could 'click' with and i actually ended up pairing up with him for the French Orale. (not wat some of you are thinkin out there) I never did tell him about my first impression of him though.. hehe.
ok.. so are you curious to see if you have the mind of a psycho killer?
Crack this one!
A middle-aged woman dies. At her wake, the daughter sees a really cute stranger and falls in love with him. However, she doesn't get a chance to talk to him. Two weeks later she kills her sister. WHY?
seriously, it was used as a test for all the psycho killers in some American prison and all of them answered spot on. I was chilled!
But anyway, after that i met up with a group of friends. In this group was this new guy i never met before. I posed the riddle to them and none of them could answer it. Except this guy. I was chilled. And assiduously avoided this guy.... erm...actually i just never ran into him again after that...on no effort of my own.
Funny thing is.. this year, i ran into him. And guess what... in my French tutorial of all places. (French tutorials are pretty small and cosy). So anyway, he turned out to be one of the cooler pp. in the class that i could 'click' with and i actually ended up pairing up with him for the French Orale. (not wat some of you are thinkin out there) I never did tell him about my first impression of him though.. hehe.
ok.. so are you curious to see if you have the mind of a psycho killer?
Crack this one!
A middle-aged woman dies. At her wake, the daughter sees a really cute stranger and falls in love with him. However, she doesn't get a chance to talk to him. Two weeks later she kills her sister. WHY?
Friday, April 22, 2005
High Fidelity
Typical guy movie.
I liked it too though... but mostly for the music shop antics. Especially those of Jack Black and the other oddball guy in the shop.
I thought the main character (played by John Cusack) was a self-absorbed dickhead: especially for blaming his girlfriend for not telling him about her pregnancy when she found out that he was sleeping with another girl.
The wake scene in the movie gets me too. And the scene after that with the car and the rain. Gets me in the gut.
Fallen for you
Did you ever see me,
Watching from periphery?
I was playing another game
I hoped you catch on all the same.
Fallen from view
Did you ever touch me,
Floating through your potpourri?
I thought I felt your fingers once
After waiting all these months
But I was wrong, so wrong
That was just another song you wrote,
for another girl
And I hoped the day could be
When you'd write a song for me
But it never came,
I thank you all the same,
But I'll go now,
so you won't know how much I've fallen for you,
Pointless trying to be a man
Boy, you don't know if you can
I thought I knew you well enough
But your walls are still too tough
But I was wrong,
so wrong
That was just another song you wrote,
for another girl
But I was wrong,
so wrong
That was just another song you wrote,
for another girl
And I hoped the day could be
When you'd write a song for me
But it never came,
I thank you all the same,
But I'll go now,
so you won't know how much
I Thought about you all the time,
Walking round, the Guggenheim.
Like a rhyme,
in my mind,
There you are,
in my car,
But we don't drive very far.
To the beach, out of reach
Next to me... my fantasy
Falling for you
Did you ever see me,
Watching from periphery?
I was playing another game
I hoped you catch on all the same.
'Fallen for You' by Sheila Nicholls from the 'High Fidelity Soundtrack'
I liked it too though... but mostly for the music shop antics. Especially those of Jack Black and the other oddball guy in the shop.
I thought the main character (played by John Cusack) was a self-absorbed dickhead: especially for blaming his girlfriend for not telling him about her pregnancy when she found out that he was sleeping with another girl.
The wake scene in the movie gets me too. And the scene after that with the car and the rain. Gets me in the gut.
Fallen for you
Did you ever see me,
Watching from periphery?
I was playing another game
I hoped you catch on all the same.
Fallen from view
Did you ever touch me,
Floating through your potpourri?
I thought I felt your fingers once
After waiting all these months
But I was wrong, so wrong
That was just another song you wrote,
for another girl
And I hoped the day could be
When you'd write a song for me
But it never came,
I thank you all the same,
But I'll go now,
so you won't know how much I've fallen for you,
Pointless trying to be a man
Boy, you don't know if you can
I thought I knew you well enough
But your walls are still too tough
But I was wrong,
so wrong
That was just another song you wrote,
for another girl
But I was wrong,
so wrong
That was just another song you wrote,
for another girl
And I hoped the day could be
When you'd write a song for me
But it never came,
I thank you all the same,
But I'll go now,
so you won't know how much
I Thought about you all the time,
Walking round, the Guggenheim.
Like a rhyme,
in my mind,
There you are,
in my car,
But we don't drive very far.
To the beach, out of reach
Next to me... my fantasy
Falling for you
Did you ever see me,
Watching from periphery?
I was playing another game
I hoped you catch on all the same.
'Fallen for You' by Sheila Nicholls from the 'High Fidelity Soundtrack'
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Which type of crazy are you?
You May Be a Bit Schizotypal ... |
 A bit odd and socially isolated. You couldn't care less of what others think. And some of your beliefs are a little weird. Like that time you thought you were Jesus. |
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Do you Care?
I know i do.
Even if i'm tired and stressed up. I care.
http://www.thinkcentre.org/article.cfm?ArticleID=2570 <------ click here to find out what about.
Today I heard a medical student remark that he wouldn't mind being a psychiatrist because 'alot of Singaporeans are going crazy' or a plastic surgeon because the operations are easy to do and not life-threatening, and bottom-line: they both would make lots of money. Easy life, good money. Who wouldn't want that?
It makes me sad. Because they're true on both counts. Pragmatism, bottom-line markers, being practical - all very important in this day and age. That's what sane people are all about. Pooh, pooh to idealism, social justice and freedom of thought and expression. Goodbye to all that.
But what will make us even more crazy as Singaporeans is if we let others define what 'being crazy' for us is - if we let others decide what being sane is all about.
What's sane for you? A doctor who genuinely cares about about his patients or a doctor who genuinely cares for his pockets?
You decide.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
FAKE PLASTIC TREES
The green plastic watering can
For a fake chinese rubberplant
In the fake plastic earth
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself
It wears her out
It wears her out
It wears her out
It wears her out
She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns
He used to do surgery
for girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins
And it wears him out
And it wears him out
And it wears him out
She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
if I just turned and ran
And it wears me out
It wears me out
It wears me out
If I could be who you wanted
if I could be who you wanted all the time
-Radiohead
Even if i'm tired and stressed up. I care.
http://www.thinkcentre.org/article.cfm?ArticleID=2570 <------ click here to find out what about.
Today I heard a medical student remark that he wouldn't mind being a psychiatrist because 'alot of Singaporeans are going crazy' or a plastic surgeon because the operations are easy to do and not life-threatening, and bottom-line: they both would make lots of money. Easy life, good money. Who wouldn't want that?
It makes me sad. Because they're true on both counts. Pragmatism, bottom-line markers, being practical - all very important in this day and age. That's what sane people are all about. Pooh, pooh to idealism, social justice and freedom of thought and expression. Goodbye to all that.
But what will make us even more crazy as Singaporeans is if we let others define what 'being crazy' for us is - if we let others decide what being sane is all about.
What's sane for you? A doctor who genuinely cares about about his patients or a doctor who genuinely cares for his pockets?
You decide.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
FAKE PLASTIC TREES
The green plastic watering can
For a fake chinese rubberplant
In the fake plastic earth
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself
It wears her out
It wears her out
It wears her out
It wears her out
She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns
He used to do surgery
for girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins
And it wears him out
And it wears him out
And it wears him out
She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
if I just turned and ran
And it wears me out
It wears me out
It wears me out
If I could be who you wanted
if I could be who you wanted all the time
-Radiohead
Monday, April 18, 2005
The Leaves looked abit greener today
Yes they did.
Life's a pile of shite sometimes
But you gotta look for the rainbow in the
reflections
Life's a sad sight sometimes
And when you feel like there's nothing to hope for
you've just gotten abit disillusioned
but there's rest for the weary
There's hope for the disheartened
There's comfort for the ones
that don't even feel anymore
There's hope when you trust in God.
Life's a pile of shite sometimes
But you gotta look for the rainbow in the
reflections
Life's a sad sight sometimes
And when you feel like there's nothing to hope for
you've just gotten abit disillusioned
but there's rest for the weary
There's hope for the disheartened
There's comfort for the ones
that don't even feel anymore
There's hope when you trust in God.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
The way we were
Beks, Ange and me were checkin out some pics on Sunday. Old photos of friends in church. Amazing how much our 'looks' can change over time eh. But what's cool is that the person inside stays the same.
Do you ever think about the future???
My fav singer is Paul Simon. He's the ultimate. I've fallen in love with him ever since I started listening to his 'Negotiations and Lovesongs' album back when I was all of 16 years old.
Yes, i have my brother to thank for my music influences... that CD was his... one of the few that i borrowed from him. Haha... talking about how he influenced me... i still remember the first CD i bot was recommended by him too! I asked for something 'nice and relaxing' and he told me that I should get 'a touch of David Foster' and I still have it.. it's a lovely CD.
Another CD he recommended me was Ladysmith Black Mambazo's 'Shaka Zulu'... it was pretty awesome too... when I watched 'Mean Girls' last year, I heard the name 'Ladysmith Black Mambazo' mentioned for the first time in a movie; apparently the protagonist used to be crazy about Ladysmith until she became too 'cool' for it.
Anyway, back to Paul Simon, two years ago my brother, Bertrand and me actually went to catch Paul Simon in concert together in Fort Lauderdale, Florida! What a trip! I got to see Ernest's Hemmingway's home.. did you know that he has sixty or so cats in his home? And they are all named after famous figures.. i think i might have gotten to stroke Roosevelt and Marlilyn when I was there. Some of them have six toes... it a hereditary thing coz' the cats interbreed. But they're all nice and sleek. (sleek in the biblical way - as in fat) mmm... sweet.
I digress. The concert was bittersweet: lovely to catch Simon and Garfunkel in concert finally...lovely to see them playin together after all these years....
But it was sad you know, seeing Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel so old... ole Paul looked sad and jaded.. i know that when i heard him sing 'leaves that are green' when it came to the line, 'and the leaves that are green turn to brown' I looked closely at his face on the screen.. and i saw a jadedness... a sadness. And i felt sad down to my bottom of my soulful pits.
Did you know he used to be married to Carrie Fischer ?(Princess Leila in the original Starwars) Ok, i know this is random, but i read this article on Carrie Fischer once about her bi-polarity and her relationship with Paul Simon and she made this comment about Paul Simon: that its hard to appreciate the songs when you feel that they are 'engineered against you.' Ahh... the travails of being married to songwriter! But I don't blame her.. i think if I was married to Paul Simon and we were going through tough times...i might intrepret the lyrics in 'Tenderness' thus:
What can I do
What can I do
much of what you say is true
I know you see through me
but there's no tenderness
beneath your honesty
Right and wrong;
Ooh, never helped us get along
You say you care for me
But there's no tenderness
Beneath your honesty
But then again, i might listen to some of his other songs and be reminded of happy times .. like with 'something so right':
You've got the cool water
When the fever runs high
You've got the look of lovelight in your eyes
And I was in crazy motion
'til you calmed me down
It took a little time
But you calmed me down
... but you know... life can be up or down depending on how you look at it. Like with most things.
Paul Simon.
I think about the future sometimes. He was big in my parents generation. But they were never into him. I wonder what it will be like when he dies. When the leaves that are green turn to brown. I wonder.
Pastor Rennis once used his song 'Slip slidin' away' as a starting point for his sermon. I remember sitting there in the congregation...the lyrics to the song just washing over me:
slip slidin' away
slip slidin' away
you know the nearer your destination
the more you're slip slidin' away
.... the one verse that struck me the hardest was this one:
I know a father who had a son
He longed to tell him all the reasons for the things he'd done
He came a long way
just to explain
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping
Then he turned around and headed home again
I just had this mental picture (and still do) of a father creeping into the room to dark room, his young son sleeping by the bed ... dreaming by the moonlit window. And the dad taking a while to have a good look at his son. Just pausing...looking at him breathing in and out, yearning to hold him, embrace him and tell him why. But he cannot. And he parts with a tender kiss. A tender tender kiss.... before he leaves for the long drive back.
I guess the main reason why I love Paul Simon is coz' his lyrics are so true. And so beautiful. There's a truth that resonates with the heart and mind when you listen to it. It's a truth that sad, yet beautiful at the same time because it captures the essence of being human so succinctly.
I hope he gets to go to heaven. Just like I hope my Uncle Kheeyong gets to go to heaven too. Just like I hope all these other friends I have... like Natascha, Micha, Fanny, Satomi, Praptee, Mae, Ced, Dave, Fenja, Brian, DC, Alastair, Bev ....all you people out there whom i've ever tried asking to church or talking to about God. You know who you are. I love ya' and i just hope that we get to see each other again when we leave this earth.
Yes, i have my brother to thank for my music influences... that CD was his... one of the few that i borrowed from him. Haha... talking about how he influenced me... i still remember the first CD i bot was recommended by him too! I asked for something 'nice and relaxing' and he told me that I should get 'a touch of David Foster' and I still have it.. it's a lovely CD.
Another CD he recommended me was Ladysmith Black Mambazo's 'Shaka Zulu'... it was pretty awesome too... when I watched 'Mean Girls' last year, I heard the name 'Ladysmith Black Mambazo' mentioned for the first time in a movie; apparently the protagonist used to be crazy about Ladysmith until she became too 'cool' for it.
Anyway, back to Paul Simon, two years ago my brother, Bertrand and me actually went to catch Paul Simon in concert together in Fort Lauderdale, Florida! What a trip! I got to see Ernest's Hemmingway's home.. did you know that he has sixty or so cats in his home? And they are all named after famous figures.. i think i might have gotten to stroke Roosevelt and Marlilyn when I was there. Some of them have six toes... it a hereditary thing coz' the cats interbreed. But they're all nice and sleek. (sleek in the biblical way - as in fat) mmm... sweet.
I digress. The concert was bittersweet: lovely to catch Simon and Garfunkel in concert finally...lovely to see them playin together after all these years....
But it was sad you know, seeing Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel so old... ole Paul looked sad and jaded.. i know that when i heard him sing 'leaves that are green' when it came to the line, 'and the leaves that are green turn to brown' I looked closely at his face on the screen.. and i saw a jadedness... a sadness. And i felt sad down to my bottom of my soulful pits.
Did you know he used to be married to Carrie Fischer ?(Princess Leila in the original Starwars) Ok, i know this is random, but i read this article on Carrie Fischer once about her bi-polarity and her relationship with Paul Simon and she made this comment about Paul Simon: that its hard to appreciate the songs when you feel that they are 'engineered against you.' Ahh... the travails of being married to songwriter! But I don't blame her.. i think if I was married to Paul Simon and we were going through tough times...i might intrepret the lyrics in 'Tenderness' thus:
What can I do
What can I do
much of what you say is true
I know you see through me
but there's no tenderness
beneath your honesty
Right and wrong;
Ooh, never helped us get along
You say you care for me
But there's no tenderness
Beneath your honesty
But then again, i might listen to some of his other songs and be reminded of happy times .. like with 'something so right':
You've got the cool water
When the fever runs high
You've got the look of lovelight in your eyes
And I was in crazy motion
'til you calmed me down
It took a little time
But you calmed me down
... but you know... life can be up or down depending on how you look at it. Like with most things.
Paul Simon.
I think about the future sometimes. He was big in my parents generation. But they were never into him. I wonder what it will be like when he dies. When the leaves that are green turn to brown. I wonder.
Pastor Rennis once used his song 'Slip slidin' away' as a starting point for his sermon. I remember sitting there in the congregation...the lyrics to the song just washing over me:
slip slidin' away
slip slidin' away
you know the nearer your destination
the more you're slip slidin' away
.... the one verse that struck me the hardest was this one:
I know a father who had a son
He longed to tell him all the reasons for the things he'd done
He came a long way
just to explain
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping
Then he turned around and headed home again
I just had this mental picture (and still do) of a father creeping into the room to dark room, his young son sleeping by the bed ... dreaming by the moonlit window. And the dad taking a while to have a good look at his son. Just pausing...looking at him breathing in and out, yearning to hold him, embrace him and tell him why. But he cannot. And he parts with a tender kiss. A tender tender kiss.... before he leaves for the long drive back.
I guess the main reason why I love Paul Simon is coz' his lyrics are so true. And so beautiful. There's a truth that resonates with the heart and mind when you listen to it. It's a truth that sad, yet beautiful at the same time because it captures the essence of being human so succinctly.
I hope he gets to go to heaven. Just like I hope my Uncle Kheeyong gets to go to heaven too. Just like I hope all these other friends I have... like Natascha, Micha, Fanny, Satomi, Praptee, Mae, Ced, Dave, Fenja, Brian, DC, Alastair, Bev ....all you people out there whom i've ever tried asking to church or talking to about God. You know who you are. I love ya' and i just hope that we get to see each other again when we leave this earth.
Wish I were a Kellog's Cornflake
Or a cat!
I read somewhere today that rest is something that prepares you for your next journey. Chinese proverb.
I like that cat pic particularly coz' it's got the cat in a very contemplative position...just sitting on it's haunches and staring out into space - my Godma said that it should be titled - when in doubt, pause and think.
Not to mention that it is also a very beautiful cat.
I read somewhere today that rest is something that prepares you for your next journey. Chinese proverb.
I like that cat pic particularly coz' it's got the cat in a very contemplative position...just sitting on it's haunches and staring out into space - my Godma said that it should be titled - when in doubt, pause and think.
Not to mention that it is also a very beautiful cat.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
My Class
Had Gelato with Rence, Auds and I-jean at Venezia today, as per usual. It's was nice... as contrasted to the previous time we had ice-cream at Island Creamery. Life with the class is rather different post-breakup. But I guess that's part and parcel of life... eh?
Sometimes I wonder if we could ever be friends again. Yet what would we have to talk about .... ???
token relationships
effervescent hopes
rushed hours
stolen seconds
heap on the third and forth and fifth
for all you know
you might find
sweet juice on
your teeth.
one merciful day
Sometimes I wonder if we could ever be friends again. Yet what would we have to talk about .... ???
token relationships
effervescent hopes
rushed hours
stolen seconds
heap on the third and forth and fifth
for all you know
you might find
sweet juice on
your teeth.
one merciful day
mosquito mannerisms
Nothing to do with the title above watsoever. But I do realise one thing... mosquitos love to bite me. I've got the marks on my legs to prove it.
I'm going to be out of Singapore from May to end July. Practically the whole summer! Feel abit sad about it coz' i feel like i'm just starting to get adjusted and 'rooted' in Singapore ... cool frens, cool spots, cool blogs, cool music....cool stuff.
Just not cool weather.
BUT... i'm excited!!! Wonder what it'll be like to stay in Thailand and help out at the NGO and speak Thai day in and day out with Thai pp. And also spending time with my Dad in Thailand. He's a pretty strange bird to hang out with... quite given to perculiar mannerisms and freaky penchants... but hey! I identify...hoho... apart from the golf.
And then after Thailand i'll be hookin' up with a couple of frens in Boston and New York. Really lookin' forward to seeing them... Mich, back from good ole' Cornell days whom I haven't seen for ....FIVE YEARS? Tusche...!!! Lovely, beautiful Tusche ... can't wait to hear your cute voice...Esther in Boston....also haven't seen for long long time... got loads to catch up man....will pass her the rocks i picked up from Wreck Beach in UBC when I see her... and Satomi!!!!! in Japan!! Yay!!!! Good ole Satomi... i promise to learn some jap before I get there ... i'll make it a point... so that I can order my own Nasunodengaku! (BBQ Brinjal)
After which I'll come back to Singapore for my final year in NUS.... FINAL YEAR..... gah! i'm filled with longing and dread for that year....can't bear to bear down on the books no more but also can't imagine what it'll be like after I graduate.... most definitely don't want to start workin in Singapore.... *sigh*
Guess we'll hold on tight and see what happens... *fingers crossed, eyes closed, hoping real hard*
I'm going to be out of Singapore from May to end July. Practically the whole summer! Feel abit sad about it coz' i feel like i'm just starting to get adjusted and 'rooted' in Singapore ... cool frens, cool spots, cool blogs, cool music....cool stuff.
Just not cool weather.
BUT... i'm excited!!! Wonder what it'll be like to stay in Thailand and help out at the NGO and speak Thai day in and day out with Thai pp. And also spending time with my Dad in Thailand. He's a pretty strange bird to hang out with... quite given to perculiar mannerisms and freaky penchants... but hey! I identify...hoho... apart from the golf.
And then after Thailand i'll be hookin' up with a couple of frens in Boston and New York. Really lookin' forward to seeing them... Mich, back from good ole' Cornell days whom I haven't seen for ....FIVE YEARS? Tusche...!!! Lovely, beautiful Tusche ... can't wait to hear your cute voice...Esther in Boston....also haven't seen for long long time... got loads to catch up man....will pass her the rocks i picked up from Wreck Beach in UBC when I see her... and Satomi!!!!! in Japan!! Yay!!!! Good ole Satomi... i promise to learn some jap before I get there ... i'll make it a point... so that I can order my own Nasunodengaku! (BBQ Brinjal)
After which I'll come back to Singapore for my final year in NUS.... FINAL YEAR..... gah! i'm filled with longing and dread for that year....can't bear to bear down on the books no more but also can't imagine what it'll be like after I graduate.... most definitely don't want to start workin in Singapore.... *sigh*
Guess we'll hold on tight and see what happens... *fingers crossed, eyes closed, hoping real hard*
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Grandpiano - A creation
http://www.sectionz.com/detail.asp?rType=trackers&SZID=26#
to listen to 'Grandpiano' read: deb's first ever music file: experimental; almost classical
click on the above link and DOWNLOAD
to listen to 'Grandpiano' read: deb's first ever music file: experimental; almost classical
click on the above link and DOWNLOAD
mad.messed up
mad with her.
i'm mad with her
and i lost my temper with her
i got angry
I screamed
I told her to mind her own fukin' business
to live her own fuckin' life
and to let me live my own
I'm mad
messed up inside
there's a muderous anger
and grief
inside of me
that will never be quenched.
i'm mad with her
and i lost my temper with her
i got angry
I screamed
I told her to mind her own fukin' business
to live her own fuckin' life
and to let me live my own
I'm mad
messed up inside
there's a muderous anger
and grief
inside of me
that will never be quenched.
secret place
Ok... so i just discovered that I spelt 'fascist' wrongly.... i should never have started my new blog at 12am in the morning.... I contemplate abandoning this blog completely, and starting a new one from scratch... n giving it a new title like 'greenandpink' or 'greendream' or something nicely themed. But what the heck... 'FACIST MALADY' (FaaR-CHIST MaLaRdee) is here to stay. Maybe i'll never let anyone in on this site. Maybe let it be privy to me and me alone.
Hence the title for today's post 'Secret Place.'
I'm going thru' an escapist theme. I'm not sure why exactly ... i think it's to do with boys. Yeah. Wish i didn't feel this way but unfortunately I do. Ok... so it's like that. I miss this person that I was close to for a while - he hasn't written for a while now and I think of him loads. At the same time, there's this other person that i think i'm starting to fall in love with. I do not use the word 'love' liberally here. I think I am starting to fall quite in love with this person whom I've been secretly enamoured off for years now. Ever since youth.
Guess time will tell if its meant to work out or not. I've never been very pro-active when it comes to matters of the heart. Sure, I've been pro-reactive, pro-sensitive, pro-amatuerish. But definitely never pro-active. It's amazing though how these thoughts can fill your mind. I find myself wishing at times i could just call someone to talk... my ex for example. Although i know for certain that it will not be good.
I wrote this music piece on a computer program today. It's so fukin cool! I mean the program for writing music... the things that you can do with it. Makes me feel excited thinking about it.
I feel scared about what's going to happen after I graduate. Ok, so i know it's a way away... in a years time. But still....I so want to pack up and leave this crowded, hot and dreary country for good. Maybe go study abroad somewhere... the US, Canada.... France? Somewhere with four seasons - somewhere where I can feel myself think ... somewhere where I can look for miles without running into uniform concrete blocks. Much less live in one.
But what if i don't get a scholarship to study abroad? What shall I do? Maybe I'll just set aside two years just to learn music good. Two years. But how will I do it in This place? Can't imagine how it'll be like - the only dreamer around chasing her pipedream. But 'tis not a pipedream. Not really... at any rate.
Writing and making music. If there was just two things I could choose out of all the lofty and grand visions that people have... it would be these two things. I don't even think it'd matter much if people really liked my stuff. As long as I liked it... I wouldn't care. Of course the bread n butter issues would have to be taken care of....but i guess that will have to work itself out...or something.
music
writing
language
people
Hence the title for today's post 'Secret Place.'
I'm going thru' an escapist theme. I'm not sure why exactly ... i think it's to do with boys. Yeah. Wish i didn't feel this way but unfortunately I do. Ok... so it's like that. I miss this person that I was close to for a while - he hasn't written for a while now and I think of him loads. At the same time, there's this other person that i think i'm starting to fall in love with. I do not use the word 'love' liberally here. I think I am starting to fall quite in love with this person whom I've been secretly enamoured off for years now. Ever since youth.
Guess time will tell if its meant to work out or not. I've never been very pro-active when it comes to matters of the heart. Sure, I've been pro-reactive, pro-sensitive, pro-amatuerish. But definitely never pro-active. It's amazing though how these thoughts can fill your mind. I find myself wishing at times i could just call someone to talk... my ex for example. Although i know for certain that it will not be good.
I wrote this music piece on a computer program today. It's so fukin cool! I mean the program for writing music... the things that you can do with it. Makes me feel excited thinking about it.
I feel scared about what's going to happen after I graduate. Ok, so i know it's a way away... in a years time. But still....I so want to pack up and leave this crowded, hot and dreary country for good. Maybe go study abroad somewhere... the US, Canada.... France? Somewhere with four seasons - somewhere where I can feel myself think ... somewhere where I can look for miles without running into uniform concrete blocks. Much less live in one.
But what if i don't get a scholarship to study abroad? What shall I do? Maybe I'll just set aside two years just to learn music good. Two years. But how will I do it in This place? Can't imagine how it'll be like - the only dreamer around chasing her pipedream. But 'tis not a pipedream. Not really... at any rate.
Writing and making music. If there was just two things I could choose out of all the lofty and grand visions that people have... it would be these two things. I don't even think it'd matter much if people really liked my stuff. As long as I liked it... I wouldn't care. Of course the bread n butter issues would have to be taken care of....but i guess that will have to work itself out...or something.
music
writing
language
people
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Today
Today I got back home. Late. And i wondered. Coz'... i havent' felt like that for a while...happy and dreamy. Or contemplative.
When was the last time i felt like that? Was it on my bed in Gage South Towers, UBC, Vancouver after my first taste of the gift from the earth? When I was listening to 'Bittersweet Symphony' and felt like it had been going on forever in my mind.
No.. it was a different feel.
It's the quiet contemplative feel where you feel like you need to keep some thoughts away and wrap them up in carefully folded covers. To have and to hold.
But I guess somethings aren't meant to be said. But cherished in your mind's eye and kept away for future reference. I will refer to it again. One day... when I write in my book about all these crazy cool characters that do strange and wonderful banal foolish things.
But TODAY... i felt connected. From icecream with Praptee. To cell with Mark, Adrian, Vince, Marian... to being at home .. to writing this blog.. to sippin' my milo and recalling Mark's dream of a lifetime's supply of milo and how it comforts him...
I remember.
And I feel connected... And I cherish all the times I had ... all the times I have... so many more to pass. Who knows or none. ... Distant figures that will be made bold someday when I meet them again. When I see you again.
When was the last time i felt like that? Was it on my bed in Gage South Towers, UBC, Vancouver after my first taste of the gift from the earth? When I was listening to 'Bittersweet Symphony' and felt like it had been going on forever in my mind.
No.. it was a different feel.
It's the quiet contemplative feel where you feel like you need to keep some thoughts away and wrap them up in carefully folded covers. To have and to hold.
But I guess somethings aren't meant to be said. But cherished in your mind's eye and kept away for future reference. I will refer to it again. One day... when I write in my book about all these crazy cool characters that do strange and wonderful banal foolish things.
But TODAY... i felt connected. From icecream with Praptee. To cell with Mark, Adrian, Vince, Marian... to being at home .. to writing this blog.. to sippin' my milo and recalling Mark's dream of a lifetime's supply of milo and how it comforts him...
I remember.
And I feel connected... And I cherish all the times I had ... all the times I have... so many more to pass. Who knows or none. ... Distant figures that will be made bold someday when I meet them again. When I see you again.
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