Super Tired

Have you ever felt extremely extremely tired?

That's how i'm feeling now. Exhausted to the bone.

I think i may have been taking this music practise business to an extreme. Like i've been worrying about it more than I've been enjoying it.

That's the feedback i get from most people that i jam with, learn from or practise with. That i should not stress up about it, but enjoy it.

I read this wonderful little excerpt from from 'Follow Your Heart' yesterday, written by Andrew Matthews (which is an absolutely recommended read btw)

When I set out to be a portrait artist, I decided nothing would get in my way. My recipe was "paint ten hours a day, seven days a week - and if that doesn't work, paint all night". I painted some woeful picutures. Exhuasted and frustrated, it began to dawn on me that desperation doesn't work.

Life remains a struggle while you insist it's a struggle. There is such a thing as letting things unfold.

A young boy travelled across Japan to see a great martial artist. Given an audience with the Sensei, he said: "Master how long will it take me to become a great martial artist?"

The sensei replied 'Ten Years'

The young boy then said, 'Master, I am very keen. I will work day and night. Now how long will it take?"

And the Sensei said: "Twenty"

That's the paradox of life i guess. Persistence does pay off, eventually, ref. to the parable of the persistent widow in the bible, but when we're struggling over and worrying about something we want so badly every waking hour of our life, we take longer to get to our destinations, and in the meantime, we're not enjoying the process.

What guarantees are there that we'll still be alive tomorrow? I've heard it said so often that it's 'the journey is more important that the destination,' how often we fail to internalize it though.

I've got this poster stuck up in my room now, it's actually a picture of a girl at the top of a flight of stairs leading out of the woods into the light. Below the picture is a quote that really spoke to me.

'Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life, as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed'

- Booker T. Washington

Perfect

Perfect pose
strike a calm

in still repose
nothing doin

but i'm so anxious
so anxious
i want it so bad

so bad

never knew how much
i'd give for this
can't release my clutch
a deadlock

hoping for a world
i never knew
a mystery i could
never unveil

wanting something so bad
torn up inside
help me to let go

and my tales i'll unfold
to you

Walking after you

Tonight Im tangled in my blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
Things just wont do without you, matter of fact
Im on your back, Im on your back, Im on your back

If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you

If youd accept surrender, Ill give up some more
Werent you adored
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
Im on your back, Im on your back, Im on your back

If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you

Another heart is cracked in two, Im on your back

I cannot be without you, matter of fact
Im on your back, Im on your back, Im on your back

If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you

Another heart is cracked in two, Im on your back

-foo fighters



Hearts confused

keep pretending
that you're alright
keep on trying to
keep up an act
when all that's inside

tells you otherwise
tells you otherwise

keep on running
keep on showing
keep on striving
for that perfect peace
and act like nothing's amiss

when all that's inside

tells you otherwise
tells you otherwise

Running, chasing
after a mystery
running, hoping
misery on your heels
fear in your heart

Running, chasing
after a world
of sublimity
Running, chasing
after an unquenched hope

Come and run after me.

I gigged!

One of my first few gigs and it was great fun. Played with Pat at the Arts house ... we did our fav. songs, like 'on & on' by the longpigs, 'Wish you were here' by Pink Floyd and 'Here comes the Sun' by the Beatles.. and we played 'Poetry and Rhyme,' one of my own songs. It actually turned out pretty well. =)

It's amazing how interconnected everyone in the scene is. Today i found out the guy that plays for Astreal and who runs Wallworks is actually my primary schoolmate. We caught up on all the 10 plus years since primary school. I was amazed that he remembered me all the way back from Nanyang days.

I'm planning to take a year out for music and do abit of translating/free-lance writing work on the side. Planning to move to Bangkok next year when the lease ends and stay with my Dad. I've always wanted to live in Thailand for an extended period. I think Bangkok is a really exciting city with loads to discover... and when I go there I'll be able to brush up on my Thai. Now all i got to do is figure out how to get a work permit.

It's amazing how life can be sometimes. I'm so glad i decided to stick around.

=) Thank kew God.

I bombed da paper

Cripers... it's been a while since i did such a bad paper. (discounting french) The last paper i did today was a 200 MCQ paper on drugs and society, which had exceedingly detailed questions that a skiver like me who did not attend a single lecture of the course was hard pressed to answer. I did alot of guesswork today.

I hope i don't fail this paper coz' if i do.... i can't graduate!

chaow chee bye.

Staying young on the outside

Today at a political forum, I met this lady who looks like she's in her early forties. She approached me to talk about a point i had raised. Deeper into the discussion with her, she revealed that she was going to be 60 years old next year. I could not believe it! She didn't look anything like it!

She shared with me that she doesn't take medication at all, even vitamin supplements. She eats well and exercises alot. This really underlines the importance of excercise and diet. I really believe that our future does not lie in medication, but in healthy living.

No more chocolate for me!!!

(well, maybe just a smidgeon... hee! )

Sufferin & Healin'

I would talk of time
but that would be blind
to the way
wounds take to heal

I would talk of feelings
but would that be stealing
away from
the realities of pain?

I would talk of love
but could that ever be enough
for the chasm that can grow
between people so close?

I would talk of you
but would that be enough
to hit the spot on the heart?

I would hear news of you
giving me worries
i never thought i'd feel

I would pray for you
and that came the closest
to expressing my love for you

Almost graduated

I'm almost graduated!!!! Today I took my last and final graded paper... there's just one more paper to go next week, which is pass fail... and then i'll be done done done!!!!!!

How surreal. How absolutely surreal.

Global Issues North Vs. South, Green Vs. Brown

I'm a broken bee
a broken hope
a broken window
a broken cup
a broken wallet
a broken top
a broken heart
a broken soul
I live in a broken world.

luxury

today
i have the luxury
of considering
all the times

i have made myself
a fool
for you

today
i have the luxury
of understanding
how little
i mean to you

today
i have the luxury
of seeing the truth plain enough
i'll call your bluff

today
i have the luxury
of knowing once and for all
the fullness of your flaws

today
i have the luxury
of waking up
in the cold light
of day

What's your life path number?

I tried this out with the birthdates of several people close to me. It's damn accurate.

Your Life Path Number is 22

Your purpose in life is to use your power for good Of all the life paths, yours has the most innate power. Your power lies in your vision, and you must recruit others to help you in this vision. You are able to be a great idealist, but you still have the practicality to get things done. In love, you tend to be a big romantic - but you also tend to keep your distance. You have a lot of potential, and it's sometimes hard to live up to. Sometimes you just feel like slipping into obscurity and doing nothing. You tend to be prone to dramatic emotions, until you step back and look at things honestly.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Le Mouton

Le mouton qui marche
Le mouton qu'on mange
Le mouton qui est delicieux
Le mouton qu'on appelle la chevre
Le mouton qui suit le berger
Le mouton qui est tres stupide
Le mouton que les loups aiment attaquer
Le mouton qui resemble a l'humain


-deborah

What kind of soul are you?

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

What type of writer should you be?

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Silent Hours

In these silent hours
I sit and write

I delve into an existence
bigger than that of mine

the woes,
the trails and injustices
of a people, subject
to the insatiable desires of
mankind


faceless names,
mere words,
sketched scenarios
ink on paper
mere words,
which have the power to
change a person's life

Mere words

How much more
could mere words
guided by

love

transform

a person's life?

I would like to know.

hugging a lost shirt

The lost shirt
the owner has left
is hugged
close to the chest
of the man who
once knew the man

all that remains
is a lost shirt
for him to cling
on to
reliving the memories
trying to capture
the essence of
the person he once knew

The lost shirt
so thin, so weightless
so insubstantial.
The lost shirt

so precious

because it's
all that he has,

all he has

ever had

The mist is clearing

The mist is clearing
so why is my heart
so heavy
the mist is clearing
my eyes are opening
do i know anything
more now that all
that I've always felt
has been articulated
into facts that stare
at me in the face
low and gloaming

What can i do
what can i do?

Run away from a state
that will never change
quiet, be still
scamper on,
in the wheel they
make for you

make as if to protest
but idly watch
as another innocent they molest

as more and more
lies
are generated each day
in black and white
will we ever
wake up
or will we continue
pretending

that there is change?
nothing's changing
nothing will change
the air is stifling
but lay quiet
oh so quiet

there's only one gang
in town now
and the
gang bang
will reduce any man

to a pauper,liar,pariah...
for at least now,
we've got food, shelter, money
we've got safety
we've got all we ever need

safe in
our prison cells

we've got all we ever want




















"No Surprises"

A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal

You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
Silent, silent

This is my final fit, my final bellyache with

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises please

Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden

No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises please (let me out of here)

So many have gone

So many have come and gone
how many more times
will i hear about
and see the people
that pass through
my life

disappear, depart, leave...

how many more times
will i see the passing
of another soul
from this earth
into eternity?

How many more times
can my heart take
the brokeness
that comes when
you give your heart to someone
and have them taken from you
How many more tears
can i shed
for a lonely heart
and why do i cry so much?

So many have gone
i cannot think
now, because

i just cannot think of

the ones closest
to me...
being taken away from me

being taken away

So many have gone
and everytime
i see another one go

I think of you.

From you to me

We all keep secrets
not big ones
just little things that we keep to ourselves
not one person knows these things, except yourself

little things that you don't think about
but you know in your heart
little things that you recognize
that you never feel the impulse to share with
anyone

Until you meet someone who cares enough to know
and then it just comes out on the spot

I've got a little secret

(which i cannot speak of)

Nobody knows what that means... to me.

it's a little secret.

And, We all keep secrets...



We all keep secrets
until the day

our hearts meet with

the person who cares enough

to want to know and then,
The secrets will cease to be...

but until then.

We all keep secrets.

Bring me back post

Bring me back post..
keep me here
where i cannot stay
where i can only go

Bring me back
I want to know
I want to fold
back again
I want to know

I want to feel
the thoughts i once
thought i did know
I want to go

Bring me back post
Bring me back post
post rock
post house
post you
post you and me

Bring me back post
post rock
post house
post you
post you and me

post you and me.