Crying

So I had a splitting headache today and yesterday at work. And I just thought I needed to get some rest.
I got back home and I went into my room and switched off the lights to just chill.

and then.. suddenly,
I kinda heard this little voice saying, 'deb deb...'
and I was like 'er...hey ... yeah?'

'wait for me'

and then suddenly, in my minds eye I had this image of a small little kid talking to a grown up me.

And the conversation went something like...

small kid: 'deb deb... '
older me: 'yeah?'
small kid: 'won't you stay with me?'
older me: 'yeah sure'
small kid: 'deb deb... '
older me:'ahuh?'
small kid: 'will you look after me?'
older me: 'yeah... sure'
small kid:' deb deb...'
older me: 'ahuh?'
small kid: 'do you love me?'
older me: 'yeah, why not?'
small kid: 'why yes?'
older me: 'well.. coz' you're cute...and...'

suddenly... i just kind of sense what that little kid was saying... she was so full of questions but i think the one thing she really wanted was for me to hug her tight and forget about saying anything else. Coz' sometimes, words just can't express the depth of emotion one has keep locked inside for so long. The little girl I left behind in my youth. The little girl who's always been trailing behind me, darting out of sight everytime i turned around.

Today I hugged her. Loved her... and told her... nothing. Nothing at all. But I cried with her.. for all the things that we couldn't understand. For all the hurt that we experienced. For the things that we saw that hurt us, for the distance that had grown between us in all these years. For all the pain that words cannot explain.