In my thesis, I wrote that Singaporean's are willing to trade political freedom for cultural freedom. I can see how that works now. I can see how the consumption of Movies, Books, TV series, fashion and the ease of travel overseas as an escape, make Singaporeans somewhat grudgingly accepting of the current political vise that the country is in.
I see it happening in my own life. I'm thinking that I would be willing to stay here, because of roots, not roots in the country and the national heritage, but in terms of relationships with friends and family. That is the familiar rhetoric of most people I know here, I find myself coming to the same conclusion. In addition to this also, the relative availability of avenues to make a living, presents another plus point - even if that involves hard hard work. Everything here is cut and dried, the familiar requires no unease or discomfort, except at a very subliminal level that people are too busy earning money to pay attention to.
I realise that more and more Singaporeans are turning towards Christianity, I suspect that for many, the Church offers easy comfort and justification for the disjucture that many Singaporeans find between their personal hopes and dreams and their present situation.
When considering my current position, I have thought long and hard about why I feel so bad about not working, in spite of the fact that I am investing my time in very worthwhile activities that nurture the soul and which encourage personal growth. I feel bad because I am not earning money. Period.
Now, let me rethink that rationale again. If a girl has been overworked and is physically, emotionally and mentally depleted, would I condemn her for not working? Would she be only considered valuable only when she's earning money? What's the value of a person?
Let me rethink in another vein. If I had absolutely no alternative except to earn money by being a cleaner i.e. killing people for a living, would I still do it? It would still pay for the mortgage, wouldn't it? We all have to make a living, put bread on the table etc. Yet, what's the value of a person?
'Singaporeans trade political freedom and social ownership for economic expediency and relatively unfettered cultural consumption, this equation makes for a stable and upwardly mobile society: strikingly apparent when one considers the number and make of cars on the roads of Singapore'
In terms of building a cohesive national identity however, this breaks down to a melee of disparate voices with no internal sense of cohesion. Singapore can never have a national identity as long as this trend continues. Looking at the passage of political leaders in Singapore since independence over 40 years ago. This trend will not soon change.
On a personal level, I'm still vacillating as to whether or not I should move to Bangkok next year. In many ways I think it will be a very good thing for me to spend time with my Dad there and just breathe in a different air. Yes, Bangkok traffic pollution aside, the social mileu there is vastly different and presents an innate attraction for me. The church that I attend there also is very different from the one here. It's alot more international, many people there work freelance or are english teachers or are NGO workers. The attitude and approach towards life is very different.
Perhaps the Chapter of 'Struggle with Singapore' is coming to an end for now. There might come another chapter somewhere in the future with Singapore mentioned somewhere... but for now, I'm dealing the last few cards in the deck, and Singapore isn't on the cards.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Flipping thru' old notes
I was just flippin thru' some old notes I had written in my first year at NUS, it was simply ticklish!!! I felt so amused by some of the stuff I had written that I feel compelled to write it here.
Here's a short play that I had written and never completed...
A SHORT PLAY - by Deborah Lee (2002)
(This play consists mainly of LOTTA who attends university in the Numbskull Utopia of Singapore - or so she thinks... The act opens with her sitting in her literature class building another castle in the sky while the affable American lecturer tries to elicit some response from the sonmabulistic critters she has for classmates)
RB( Lecturer): ( Legs straddled across a chair and leaning forward intently) As I told you before, although I love to hear my own voice, I am infinitely more enamoured with yours... so speak up!!! What are your views on he text?
*deafening silence*
That was about 4 years ago. I never thought I would one day write this, but being in NUS has been a very good thing for me. I feel that it was a place that allowed me to grow and explore areas in my life that I had previously neglected. In addition to this, the academic material that I studied acquainted me on a more concrete level with the societal and political landscape of Singapore - something I might never have properly understood, perhaps, if I had continued studying abroad.
Why is this valuable? I believe that it is infinitely valuable because in order to move forward, one has to understand where ones comes from. Undeniably, I was born in Singapore: I grew up in the Singaporean mileau and on a very visceral, unconscious level am probably imbued with the Singaporean mindset and approach to living. It will bode me well to understand the full import and significance of my roots - which attending University in Singapore has done for me. As my mom likes to quote from Sun Tze who wrote 'The Art of War', 'know thy enemy, know thyself, in a thousand battles, a thousand victories'
Maaaa, thank yew! Summore Popiah phulleese!!! ;)
Here's a short play that I had written and never completed...
A SHORT PLAY - by Deborah Lee (2002)
(This play consists mainly of LOTTA who attends university in the Numbskull Utopia of Singapore - or so she thinks... The act opens with her sitting in her literature class building another castle in the sky while the affable American lecturer tries to elicit some response from the sonmabulistic critters she has for classmates)
RB( Lecturer): ( Legs straddled across a chair and leaning forward intently) As I told you before, although I love to hear my own voice, I am infinitely more enamoured with yours... so speak up!!! What are your views on he text?
*deafening silence*
That was about 4 years ago. I never thought I would one day write this, but being in NUS has been a very good thing for me. I feel that it was a place that allowed me to grow and explore areas in my life that I had previously neglected. In addition to this, the academic material that I studied acquainted me on a more concrete level with the societal and political landscape of Singapore - something I might never have properly understood, perhaps, if I had continued studying abroad.
Why is this valuable? I believe that it is infinitely valuable because in order to move forward, one has to understand where ones comes from. Undeniably, I was born in Singapore: I grew up in the Singaporean mileau and on a very visceral, unconscious level am probably imbued with the Singaporean mindset and approach to living. It will bode me well to understand the full import and significance of my roots - which attending University in Singapore has done for me. As my mom likes to quote from Sun Tze who wrote 'The Art of War', 'know thy enemy, know thyself, in a thousand battles, a thousand victories'
Maaaa, thank yew! Summore Popiah phulleese!!! ;)
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Stuck in Fancy Museums I didn't care for...
What if you had to jump 250 feet from a cliff face into the sea? There was no other way down, you on the edge of a cliff, stuck in the middle of the sea, nobody with you, no phone, nothing. And you had to jump?
What would you feel as you jumped off the ledge? What would you feel? Would you be afraid? Have you loved? Have you seen many beautiful things? Would you be ready to go?
Would you be ready to go?
I want to live each day like it's the best day of my life, to write on my heart that everyday is the best day of my life.
I know the day will come when I live in a country with four seasons, I know that day will come eventually, when I am surrounded by people who really 'get it', I know that day will come eventually when all my dreams will be fulfilled, and I will have loved and lived and I will have three cats and maybe a dog and perhaps even a son and a husband.
I know that day will come, but until that day, live is unfolding now.. I'm sucking deep into the marrow of life. Living it. Feeling every modicum of it, savouring each feeling as it washes over me. Deep calls to deep and all the breakers and waves and oceans have come over me, coursed through me, and I cannot resist it anymore.
Life beckons. And I walk out from a fancy museum to join her at her side.
What would you feel as you jumped off the ledge? What would you feel? Would you be afraid? Have you loved? Have you seen many beautiful things? Would you be ready to go?
Would you be ready to go?
I want to live each day like it's the best day of my life, to write on my heart that everyday is the best day of my life.
I know the day will come when I live in a country with four seasons, I know that day will come eventually, when I am surrounded by people who really 'get it', I know that day will come eventually when all my dreams will be fulfilled, and I will have loved and lived and I will have three cats and maybe a dog and perhaps even a son and a husband.
I know that day will come, but until that day, live is unfolding now.. I'm sucking deep into the marrow of life. Living it. Feeling every modicum of it, savouring each feeling as it washes over me. Deep calls to deep and all the breakers and waves and oceans have come over me, coursed through me, and I cannot resist it anymore.
Life beckons. And I walk out from a fancy museum to join her at her side.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Harley
I took up a freelance writing assignment with Think! Magazine recently. It was about Harley riders. I joined the Sierra Bravo Charlie/ Sunday Breakfast Club/Stupid Boys Club for a jaunt up to JB for Prata in the early morning. It was such fun! Sarge, who invited me to the ride, used his bigger bike with another seat at the back, it was super comfortable, the music was blasting, lots of rock and roll songs from the 60s and 70s...
It wasn't just the ride up and back that was fun, it was just talking to them. They're just a bunch of guys in their 40s or so that love having fun, not much different from the rest of us I'd say... apart from their expensive Harley bikes.
Love
'I don't exist to like, but I do exist to love. Contrary to liking, love demands nothing in return' - Hugh Prather
Love is a very difficult thing. But I think I'm beginning to understand it alittle better these days.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Hope
Today I work up, feeling really lame about being me and I was praying and then I heard God telling me, 'let me love you...'.
And again, I thought of my time at Hannover, Germany, with Micha, Fanny and their 9 month old baby Kajsa. It was such a special time for me: the love and tenderness that they had for each other and their child just did wonders for my heart.
Images of Micha bathing Kajsa, feeding her and just gently caring for her came to mind. I still remember how we wanted to go out for dinner... Micha and I left alittle later so that Kajsa could settle down and fall asleep, Satomi and Fanny left earlier so as to reserve the table for us at the restaurant.
When Kajsa had finally fallen asleep. Micha and I got on our bikes and cycled all the way to the restaurant, but not without taking along the baby phone (which would sound an alarm if Kajsa started crying badly) So we had a nice 12 minute cycle to the restaurant, which was so warm and inviting and dimly lit when we arrived... it was such a relief to be finally seated and to look at the menu and chose what to eat! 5 minutes into our anticipation of gastronomical pleasure, the baby phone starting buzzing. Micha got up and left almost immediately telling us not to order for him because he might have to stay with Kajsa the whole night.
Well, we ordered food for ourselves, keeping our fingers crossed about whether or not Micha would be able join us for dinner. And eventually he got back because Kajsa had managed to fall soundly asleep this time. She slept straight through our dinner and we had a lovely dinner of mushroom starters, german spatzle and delectable desserts. But all the time i was just so touched and amazed at his love for Kajsa. I don't know many Dad's that are that in touch with their babies, who'd be willing to put down everything they're doing at the drop of a hat for their child.
But I was just reminded that God, my heavenly father above loves me so deeply and so much more than how Micha could ever love Kajsa, or any other human parent their child. I was reminded too that that he will bring healing into my life, I just have to trust him and let him love me, the way a child lets her father love her.
And again, I thought of my time at Hannover, Germany, with Micha, Fanny and their 9 month old baby Kajsa. It was such a special time for me: the love and tenderness that they had for each other and their child just did wonders for my heart.
Images of Micha bathing Kajsa, feeding her and just gently caring for her came to mind. I still remember how we wanted to go out for dinner... Micha and I left alittle later so that Kajsa could settle down and fall asleep, Satomi and Fanny left earlier so as to reserve the table for us at the restaurant.
When Kajsa had finally fallen asleep. Micha and I got on our bikes and cycled all the way to the restaurant, but not without taking along the baby phone (which would sound an alarm if Kajsa started crying badly) So we had a nice 12 minute cycle to the restaurant, which was so warm and inviting and dimly lit when we arrived... it was such a relief to be finally seated and to look at the menu and chose what to eat! 5 minutes into our anticipation of gastronomical pleasure, the baby phone starting buzzing. Micha got up and left almost immediately telling us not to order for him because he might have to stay with Kajsa the whole night.
Well, we ordered food for ourselves, keeping our fingers crossed about whether or not Micha would be able join us for dinner. And eventually he got back because Kajsa had managed to fall soundly asleep this time. She slept straight through our dinner and we had a lovely dinner of mushroom starters, german spatzle and delectable desserts. But all the time i was just so touched and amazed at his love for Kajsa. I don't know many Dad's that are that in touch with their babies, who'd be willing to put down everything they're doing at the drop of a hat for their child.
But I was just reminded that God, my heavenly father above loves me so deeply and so much more than how Micha could ever love Kajsa, or any other human parent their child. I was reminded too that that he will bring healing into my life, I just have to trust him and let him love me, the way a child lets her father love her.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
A Purpose Driven Life
I received the email below, from my Dad. My mom feels disappointed in me, I saw her reading a book today entitled ,'When your grown up kids disappoint you.' I guess she feels upset that I want to pursue music as a career.
These days I've been sleeping really late and thinking thru' alot of things that's been happening in my life. It seems like fear tends to govern so many of the decisions I make in life: fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of poverty, fear of loneliness, fear of joblessness, fear of not being 'actualized' in life...whatever that means. Fear of being stuck in a city I feel at odds with so much of the time, fear of being judged by other people, fear of speaking my mind, fear of putting my money where my mouth is because I'm afraid that I might not be able to deal with the consequences of my decisions.
I wish I could find the freedom from fear and live my life in a way that brings peace and hope to myself and to those around me. But I struggle as well with being true to myself - my innermost desires and passions... the one thing that I've wanted to accomplish for so long...
Fear of regrets. That's one thing... i fear, the fear of regrets. I'd hate to imagine myself somewhere down the line in the future, perhaps being a mother with two kids and settled in Singapore or in some other country always having that question in my mind, 'what if I had the guts and pursued music?'
I think I would rather have tried and failed, so then I would know, and there would not be all these unanswered questions in my mind.
Some people say, 'Life can only be understood backwards,' but I feel that life, is really, quite a mystery. I look at the events in my life that brought me here to where I am today and I'm still frankly, quite puzzled. My heart and my mind are in conflict all the time these days. There are a million and one things I want to do, pursue music, change the world, work for the poor in Africa, shoot my own video, visit more parts of Southeast Asia, be a freelance photographer and writer... but there are all these other thoughts that come in too, coz' of monetary concerns, i.e. why not be a banker? why not settle for job security? Why not just take the safer path and persue a pHd? why not.... etc etc etc....
What the head says and what the heart does are two completely different things.
The day I can get my heart to move in unison all the time with my mind, is the day i cease to be human.
The speaker at the Saturday Evening Service said, 'Don't listen to the pop psychology that tells you, "follow your heart"! Listen to the holy spirit, that still small voice inside of you.'
And so ... I listen now. ... and what do i find? A troubling, disturbing, uncomfortable, feeling that there is some unfinished business that I haven't attended to for ages; a little something that I've been putting off for too long:
Since I graduated from ACJC, I went on a missions trip to Korat, Thailand. There were about two months of preparation before I left for the the town, in which I was meant to stay for two months.
The missions preparation, I felt, was abit stifling, I simply did not enjoy the long hours and heavy schedule of seminars and workshops. Furthermore, I felt that I could not really relate to the people in the team on a deeper level than through Christian jargon and 'shared spiritual exchanges' for lack of a better words. Even then I did not feel like I was truly connecting.
However, when I finally got to Korat, Thailand, it was like, I was living in another dimension! I found the people there to be people I could genuinely connect with in spite of the fact that we spoke different languages. I found myself wanting to learn the language. I'd carry around a notebook and my oft repeated phrase then was, 'how do you say ( ) in Thai?' So, there I was in Thailand, really soaking up the atmosphere, dying to learn the language and adjusting to the new bed, the masses of mosquitoes and un-airconditioned rooms, and I was, apart from the sleepless nights I had due to the mozzies and unfamiliarity with the bed, having a ball.
That's when I got a call from my mother who was angry with me for going off on a missions trip - some of the companies that I had applied for a scholarship from had called me up for interviews and obviously she was pissed off because I was not in Singapore.
So, predictably, duty-bound by fear and financial responsiblities as I was, I ended up pulling out from the trip and going back for the interviews... in none of which I succeeded in cinching the coveted scholarship. I still remember my 3rd round, and final interview with the PSA, they looked me up and down and said, 'So, what do you want to do with your life?'
I replied, 'Honestly, I really have no idea'
Yeah, that should definitely go into the book for 'How botch your interview'
So, I ended up going to Cornell, learning Thai there, having my studies there abruptly terminated, being enrolled in Southeast Asian Studies in NUS, (coz' of my interest in the Thai language and culture), and doing something related to Thailand every break I have e.g. music missions with CCC, translating for Duang Prateep Foundation, working in jobs that require Thai speaking and reading skills, going for a youth expedition trip to Pattani in Southern Thailand, and visiting my Dad who for reasons entirely unrelated to my interest in Thailand, has moved to Bangkok to retire.
Yeah, I've done all that... I can read and speak Thai now... on my CV, it's right up there with all my education qualifications, under 'language skills.' I have proudly embelllished that section with a good paragraph of my Thai experience and expertise. I'm so proud of being fluent in the language.. but I've never gone back to Korat.
Not since 1999. And now there's an opportunity to go... and i'm not going because my coffers are empty?
Well, I could dip into my savings, but whatever happened to financial discipline and all those other aspirations I had to earn money and support myself without dipping into my savings which i'm carefully hoarding for future music pursuits?
I don't know. But this is the issue, among other thingamajits, that is keeping me up tonight. And so I write...
I received this from William Wee. I read it and found it to be very good so
I want to share it with you.
Love,
Pa
> THE GREATEST ADVICE - Rick Warren, the Purpose Driven Life
>
> Don't date because you are desperate.
> Don't marry because you are miserable.
> Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
> Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
>
> Don't associate with people you can't trust.
> Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
> Don't dictate because you are smarter.
> Don't demand because you are stronger.
>
> Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know
> better.
> Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
> Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
> Don't stagnate!
>
> Don't regress.
> Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
> Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
> Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your
> biological clock is ticking.
>
> Learn a new skill.
> Find a new friend.
> Start a new career.
> Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for
> some of life's more hasty decisions.
>
> To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
> To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
> To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
> Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.
>
> To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what
> you can be.
> Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
> Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and
> dangerous liaisons.
> Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
>
> Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your
> family.
> Be true to yourself.
> Don't commit when you are not ready.
> Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
>
> Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
> Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
> Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
>
> Write poetry.
> Love Deeply.
> Walk barefoot.
> Dance with wild abandon.
> Cry at the movies.
>
> Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
> You light up your life.
> You drive yourself to your destination.
> No one completes you - except YOU.
>
> It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
> It only gets more challenging.
> Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
> Pursue your passions.
>
> Live your dreams.
> Don't lose faith in God.
> Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!
>
> When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of
> your life that you'll never get back.
> Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give
> to someone is your time.
> Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love
> is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or
> provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves .
>
>
These days I've been sleeping really late and thinking thru' alot of things that's been happening in my life. It seems like fear tends to govern so many of the decisions I make in life: fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of poverty, fear of loneliness, fear of joblessness, fear of not being 'actualized' in life...whatever that means. Fear of being stuck in a city I feel at odds with so much of the time, fear of being judged by other people, fear of speaking my mind, fear of putting my money where my mouth is because I'm afraid that I might not be able to deal with the consequences of my decisions.
I wish I could find the freedom from fear and live my life in a way that brings peace and hope to myself and to those around me. But I struggle as well with being true to myself - my innermost desires and passions... the one thing that I've wanted to accomplish for so long...
Fear of regrets. That's one thing... i fear, the fear of regrets. I'd hate to imagine myself somewhere down the line in the future, perhaps being a mother with two kids and settled in Singapore or in some other country always having that question in my mind, 'what if I had the guts and pursued music?'
I think I would rather have tried and failed, so then I would know, and there would not be all these unanswered questions in my mind.
Some people say, 'Life can only be understood backwards,' but I feel that life, is really, quite a mystery. I look at the events in my life that brought me here to where I am today and I'm still frankly, quite puzzled. My heart and my mind are in conflict all the time these days. There are a million and one things I want to do, pursue music, change the world, work for the poor in Africa, shoot my own video, visit more parts of Southeast Asia, be a freelance photographer and writer... but there are all these other thoughts that come in too, coz' of monetary concerns, i.e. why not be a banker? why not settle for job security? Why not just take the safer path and persue a pHd? why not.... etc etc etc....
What the head says and what the heart does are two completely different things.
The day I can get my heart to move in unison all the time with my mind, is the day i cease to be human.
The speaker at the Saturday Evening Service said, 'Don't listen to the pop psychology that tells you, "follow your heart"! Listen to the holy spirit, that still small voice inside of you.'
And so ... I listen now. ... and what do i find? A troubling, disturbing, uncomfortable, feeling that there is some unfinished business that I haven't attended to for ages; a little something that I've been putting off for too long:
Since I graduated from ACJC, I went on a missions trip to Korat, Thailand. There were about two months of preparation before I left for the the town, in which I was meant to stay for two months.
The missions preparation, I felt, was abit stifling, I simply did not enjoy the long hours and heavy schedule of seminars and workshops. Furthermore, I felt that I could not really relate to the people in the team on a deeper level than through Christian jargon and 'shared spiritual exchanges' for lack of a better words. Even then I did not feel like I was truly connecting.
However, when I finally got to Korat, Thailand, it was like, I was living in another dimension! I found the people there to be people I could genuinely connect with in spite of the fact that we spoke different languages. I found myself wanting to learn the language. I'd carry around a notebook and my oft repeated phrase then was, 'how do you say ( ) in Thai?' So, there I was in Thailand, really soaking up the atmosphere, dying to learn the language and adjusting to the new bed, the masses of mosquitoes and un-airconditioned rooms, and I was, apart from the sleepless nights I had due to the mozzies and unfamiliarity with the bed, having a ball.
That's when I got a call from my mother who was angry with me for going off on a missions trip - some of the companies that I had applied for a scholarship from had called me up for interviews and obviously she was pissed off because I was not in Singapore.
So, predictably, duty-bound by fear and financial responsiblities as I was, I ended up pulling out from the trip and going back for the interviews... in none of which I succeeded in cinching the coveted scholarship. I still remember my 3rd round, and final interview with the PSA, they looked me up and down and said, 'So, what do you want to do with your life?'
I replied, 'Honestly, I really have no idea'
Yeah, that should definitely go into the book for 'How botch your interview'
So, I ended up going to Cornell, learning Thai there, having my studies there abruptly terminated, being enrolled in Southeast Asian Studies in NUS, (coz' of my interest in the Thai language and culture), and doing something related to Thailand every break I have e.g. music missions with CCC, translating for Duang Prateep Foundation, working in jobs that require Thai speaking and reading skills, going for a youth expedition trip to Pattani in Southern Thailand, and visiting my Dad who for reasons entirely unrelated to my interest in Thailand, has moved to Bangkok to retire.
Yeah, I've done all that... I can read and speak Thai now... on my CV, it's right up there with all my education qualifications, under 'language skills.' I have proudly embelllished that section with a good paragraph of my Thai experience and expertise. I'm so proud of being fluent in the language.. but I've never gone back to Korat.
Not since 1999. And now there's an opportunity to go... and i'm not going because my coffers are empty?
Well, I could dip into my savings, but whatever happened to financial discipline and all those other aspirations I had to earn money and support myself without dipping into my savings which i'm carefully hoarding for future music pursuits?
I don't know. But this is the issue, among other thingamajits, that is keeping me up tonight. And so I write...
I received this from William Wee. I read it and found it to be very good so
I want to share it with you.
Love,
Pa
> THE GREATEST ADVICE - Rick Warren, the Purpose Driven Life
>
> Don't date because you are desperate.
> Don't marry because you are miserable.
> Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
> Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
>
> Don't associate with people you can't trust.
> Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
> Don't dictate because you are smarter.
> Don't demand because you are stronger.
>
> Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know
> better.
> Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
> Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
> Don't stagnate!
>
> Don't regress.
> Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
> Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
> Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your
> biological clock is ticking.
>
> Learn a new skill.
> Find a new friend.
> Start a new career.
> Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for
> some of life's more hasty decisions.
>
> To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
> To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
> To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
> Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.
>
> To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what
> you can be.
> Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
> Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and
> dangerous liaisons.
> Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
>
> Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your
> family.
> Be true to yourself.
> Don't commit when you are not ready.
> Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
>
> Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
> Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
> Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
>
> Write poetry.
> Love Deeply.
> Walk barefoot.
> Dance with wild abandon.
> Cry at the movies.
>
> Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
> You light up your life.
> You drive yourself to your destination.
> No one completes you - except YOU.
>
> It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
> It only gets more challenging.
> Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
> Pursue your passions.
>
> Live your dreams.
> Don't lose faith in God.
> Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!
>
> When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of
> your life that you'll never get back.
> Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give
> to someone is your time.
> Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love
> is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or
> provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves .
>
>
Friday, September 22, 2006
Unhappy in Singapore
Why am i unhappy here? Is it because I feel the air is alittle more tepid, alittle more recycled, alittle more suffocating? Why do i feel like i'm running thru' the same things time and again? Why do i feel the same anger, the same fears the same hostility?
Why do I feel so trapped?
Why do I feel so damn bloody trapped.
Maybe because of family, society, politics, mentalities and idealogies that are so hard to break.
Maybe because of the air, that is breathed in and recycled, again and again until there are no more fresh exchanges and nothing left to say.... except to ask 'how much' and to compare salaries and how to change baby nappies.
Why am i unhappy here? Perhaps it's because we live in a climate of fear? Perhaps because living in fear is not truly living?
Why do we toil and struggle and strive and pretend that we're all ok when really, we're not?
Whey do we try and suggest that things are ok when they're not?
Why do we take everything the newspapers, radio and television here tells us and accept it even though we know it's all scripted and planned? Why do we nod, and accept and go on to living our lives, earning our thousands, like mindless drones in a queen bee's nest?
When did we learn to stop feeling, caring, seeing, thinking, perceiving, trusting... when did we learn to switch off our hearts and keep on moving... when did we decide that we could stop living and merely exist?
Why do I feel so trapped?
Why do I feel so damn bloody trapped.
Maybe because of family, society, politics, mentalities and idealogies that are so hard to break.
Maybe because of the air, that is breathed in and recycled, again and again until there are no more fresh exchanges and nothing left to say.... except to ask 'how much' and to compare salaries and how to change baby nappies.
Why am i unhappy here? Perhaps it's because we live in a climate of fear? Perhaps because living in fear is not truly living?
Why do we toil and struggle and strive and pretend that we're all ok when really, we're not?
Whey do we try and suggest that things are ok when they're not?
Why do we take everything the newspapers, radio and television here tells us and accept it even though we know it's all scripted and planned? Why do we nod, and accept and go on to living our lives, earning our thousands, like mindless drones in a queen bee's nest?
When did we learn to stop feeling, caring, seeing, thinking, perceiving, trusting... when did we learn to switch off our hearts and keep on moving... when did we decide that we could stop living and merely exist?
Monday, August 07, 2006
Ode to the Creator of Music
When I cannot write
perhaps I will pen
a thought that comes from you
When I cannot sing
perhaps I will make music
that blesses your name
When my heart is heavy
and tears won't fall
I lift my soul to you
When I am empty
and terribly alone
that's when I know you're near
When the music thuds
in my brain
and hits my heart like a train
When it has taken me away
and carried me home
I know i'll find you there
perhaps I will pen
a thought that comes from you
When I cannot sing
perhaps I will make music
that blesses your name
When my heart is heavy
and tears won't fall
I lift my soul to you
When I am empty
and terribly alone
that's when I know you're near
When the music thuds
in my brain
and hits my heart like a train
When it has taken me away
and carried me home
I know i'll find you there
Monday, July 24, 2006
I cannot see blind
I cannot see blind
when you insist
upon a metal phrase
that persists to
bite and never erase
the guilt of
memories that
will not desist
I cannot see blind
when you try
to hide behind the
lens of crime
and criminals
do not become less human
when you pocket
their freedom
I cannot see blind
until I let you go
until I speak so slow
until I feel the warmth
and glow
of a forgiving heart
when you insist
upon a metal phrase
that persists to
bite and never erase
the guilt of
memories that
will not desist
I cannot see blind
when you try
to hide behind the
lens of crime
and criminals
do not become less human
when you pocket
their freedom
I cannot see blind
until I let you go
until I speak so slow
until I feel the warmth
and glow
of a forgiving heart
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Super Tired
Have you ever felt extremely extremely tired?
That's how i'm feeling now. Exhausted to the bone.
I think i may have been taking this music practise business to an extreme. Like i've been worrying about it more than I've been enjoying it.
That's the feedback i get from most people that i jam with, learn from or practise with. That i should not stress up about it, but enjoy it.
I read this wonderful little excerpt from from 'Follow Your Heart' yesterday, written by Andrew Matthews (which is an absolutely recommended read btw)
When I set out to be a portrait artist, I decided nothing would get in my way. My recipe was "paint ten hours a day, seven days a week - and if that doesn't work, paint all night". I painted some woeful picutures. Exhuasted and frustrated, it began to dawn on me that desperation doesn't work.
Life remains a struggle while you insist it's a struggle. There is such a thing as letting things unfold.
A young boy travelled across Japan to see a great martial artist. Given an audience with the Sensei, he said: "Master how long will it take me to become a great martial artist?"
The sensei replied 'Ten Years'
The young boy then said, 'Master, I am very keen. I will work day and night. Now how long will it take?"
And the Sensei said: "Twenty"
That's the paradox of life i guess. Persistence does pay off, eventually, ref. to the parable of the persistent widow in the bible, but when we're struggling over and worrying about something we want so badly every waking hour of our life, we take longer to get to our destinations, and in the meantime, we're not enjoying the process.
What guarantees are there that we'll still be alive tomorrow? I've heard it said so often that it's 'the journey is more important that the destination,' how often we fail to internalize it though.
I've got this poster stuck up in my room now, it's actually a picture of a girl at the top of a flight of stairs leading out of the woods into the light. Below the picture is a quote that really spoke to me.
'Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life, as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed'
- Booker T. Washington
That's how i'm feeling now. Exhausted to the bone.
I think i may have been taking this music practise business to an extreme. Like i've been worrying about it more than I've been enjoying it.
That's the feedback i get from most people that i jam with, learn from or practise with. That i should not stress up about it, but enjoy it.
I read this wonderful little excerpt from from 'Follow Your Heart' yesterday, written by Andrew Matthews (which is an absolutely recommended read btw)
When I set out to be a portrait artist, I decided nothing would get in my way. My recipe was "paint ten hours a day, seven days a week - and if that doesn't work, paint all night". I painted some woeful picutures. Exhuasted and frustrated, it began to dawn on me that desperation doesn't work.
Life remains a struggle while you insist it's a struggle. There is such a thing as letting things unfold.
A young boy travelled across Japan to see a great martial artist. Given an audience with the Sensei, he said: "Master how long will it take me to become a great martial artist?"
The sensei replied 'Ten Years'
The young boy then said, 'Master, I am very keen. I will work day and night. Now how long will it take?"
And the Sensei said: "Twenty"
That's the paradox of life i guess. Persistence does pay off, eventually, ref. to the parable of the persistent widow in the bible, but when we're struggling over and worrying about something we want so badly every waking hour of our life, we take longer to get to our destinations, and in the meantime, we're not enjoying the process.
What guarantees are there that we'll still be alive tomorrow? I've heard it said so often that it's 'the journey is more important that the destination,' how often we fail to internalize it though.
I've got this poster stuck up in my room now, it's actually a picture of a girl at the top of a flight of stairs leading out of the woods into the light. Below the picture is a quote that really spoke to me.
'Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life, as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed'
- Booker T. Washington
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Perfect
Perfect pose
strike a calm
in still repose
nothing doin
but i'm so anxious
so anxious
i want it so bad
so bad
never knew how much
i'd give for this
can't release my clutch
a deadlock
hoping for a world
i never knew
a mystery i could
never unveil
wanting something so bad
torn up inside
help me to let go
and my tales i'll unfold
to you
strike a calm
in still repose
nothing doin
but i'm so anxious
so anxious
i want it so bad
so bad
never knew how much
i'd give for this
can't release my clutch
a deadlock
hoping for a world
i never knew
a mystery i could
never unveil
wanting something so bad
torn up inside
help me to let go
and my tales i'll unfold
to you
Walking after you
Tonight Im tangled in my blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
Things just wont do without you, matter of fact
Im on your back, Im on your back, Im on your back
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If youd accept surrender, Ill give up some more
Werent you adored
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
Im on your back, Im on your back, Im on your back
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
Another heart is cracked in two, Im on your back
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
Im on your back, Im on your back, Im on your back
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
Another heart is cracked in two, Im on your back
-foo fighters
Hearts confused
keep pretending
that you're alright
keep on trying to
keep up an act
when all that's inside
tells you otherwise
tells you otherwise
keep on running
keep on showing
keep on striving
for that perfect peace
and act like nothing's amiss
when all that's inside
tells you otherwise
tells you otherwise
Running, chasing
after a mystery
running, hoping
misery on your heels
fear in your heart
Running, chasing
after a world
of sublimity
Running, chasing
after an unquenched hope
Come and run after me.
Dreaming aloud
Things just wont do without you, matter of fact
Im on your back, Im on your back, Im on your back
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If youd accept surrender, Ill give up some more
Werent you adored
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
Im on your back, Im on your back, Im on your back
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
Another heart is cracked in two, Im on your back
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
Im on your back, Im on your back, Im on your back
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
If you walk out on me, Im walking after you
Another heart is cracked in two, Im on your back
-foo fighters
Hearts confused
keep pretending
that you're alright
keep on trying to
keep up an act
when all that's inside
tells you otherwise
tells you otherwise
keep on running
keep on showing
keep on striving
for that perfect peace
and act like nothing's amiss
when all that's inside
tells you otherwise
tells you otherwise
Running, chasing
after a mystery
running, hoping
misery on your heels
fear in your heart
Running, chasing
after a world
of sublimity
Running, chasing
after an unquenched hope
Come and run after me.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
I gigged!
One of my first few gigs and it was great fun. Played with Pat at the Arts house ... we did our fav. songs, like 'on & on' by the longpigs, 'Wish you were here' by Pink Floyd and 'Here comes the Sun' by the Beatles.. and we played 'Poetry and Rhyme,' one of my own songs. It actually turned out pretty well. =)
It's amazing how interconnected everyone in the scene is. Today i found out the guy that plays for Astreal and who runs Wallworks is actually my primary schoolmate. We caught up on all the 10 plus years since primary school. I was amazed that he remembered me all the way back from Nanyang days.
I'm planning to take a year out for music and do abit of translating/free-lance writing work on the side. Planning to move to Bangkok next year when the lease ends and stay with my Dad. I've always wanted to live in Thailand for an extended period. I think Bangkok is a really exciting city with loads to discover... and when I go there I'll be able to brush up on my Thai. Now all i got to do is figure out how to get a work permit.
It's amazing how life can be sometimes. I'm so glad i decided to stick around.
=) Thank kew God.
It's amazing how interconnected everyone in the scene is. Today i found out the guy that plays for Astreal and who runs Wallworks is actually my primary schoolmate. We caught up on all the 10 plus years since primary school. I was amazed that he remembered me all the way back from Nanyang days.
I'm planning to take a year out for music and do abit of translating/free-lance writing work on the side. Planning to move to Bangkok next year when the lease ends and stay with my Dad. I've always wanted to live in Thailand for an extended period. I think Bangkok is a really exciting city with loads to discover... and when I go there I'll be able to brush up on my Thai. Now all i got to do is figure out how to get a work permit.
It's amazing how life can be sometimes. I'm so glad i decided to stick around.
=) Thank kew God.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
I bombed da paper
Cripers... it's been a while since i did such a bad paper. (discounting french) The last paper i did today was a 200 MCQ paper on drugs and society, which had exceedingly detailed questions that a skiver like me who did not attend a single lecture of the course was hard pressed to answer. I did alot of guesswork today.
I hope i don't fail this paper coz' if i do.... i can't graduate!
chaow chee bye.
I hope i don't fail this paper coz' if i do.... i can't graduate!
chaow chee bye.
Staying young on the outside
Today at a political forum, I met this lady who looks like she's in her early forties. She approached me to talk about a point i had raised. Deeper into the discussion with her, she revealed that she was going to be 60 years old next year. I could not believe it! She didn't look anything like it!
She shared with me that she doesn't take medication at all, even vitamin supplements. She eats well and exercises alot. This really underlines the importance of excercise and diet. I really believe that our future does not lie in medication, but in healthy living.
No more chocolate for me!!!
(well, maybe just a smidgeon... hee! )
She shared with me that she doesn't take medication at all, even vitamin supplements. She eats well and exercises alot. This really underlines the importance of excercise and diet. I really believe that our future does not lie in medication, but in healthy living.
No more chocolate for me!!!
(well, maybe just a smidgeon... hee! )
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Sufferin & Healin'
I would talk of time
but that would be blind
to the way
wounds take to heal
I would talk of feelings
but would that be stealing
away from
the realities of pain?
I would talk of love
but could that ever be enough
for the chasm that can grow
between people so close?
I would talk of you
but would that be enough
to hit the spot on the heart?
I would hear news of you
giving me worries
i never thought i'd feel
I would pray for you
and that came the closest
to expressing my love for you
but that would be blind
to the way
wounds take to heal
I would talk of feelings
but would that be stealing
away from
the realities of pain?
I would talk of love
but could that ever be enough
for the chasm that can grow
between people so close?
I would talk of you
but would that be enough
to hit the spot on the heart?
I would hear news of you
giving me worries
i never thought i'd feel
I would pray for you
and that came the closest
to expressing my love for you
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Almost graduated
I'm almost graduated!!!! Today I took my last and final graded paper... there's just one more paper to go next week, which is pass fail... and then i'll be done done done!!!!!!
How surreal. How absolutely surreal.
How surreal. How absolutely surreal.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Global Issues North Vs. South, Green Vs. Brown
I'm a broken bee
a broken hope
a broken window
a broken cup
a broken wallet
a broken top
a broken heart
a broken soul
I live in a broken world.
a broken hope
a broken window
a broken cup
a broken wallet
a broken top
a broken heart
a broken soul
I live in a broken world.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
luxury
today
i have the luxury
of considering
all the times
i have made myself
a fool
for you
today
i have the luxury
of understanding
how little
i mean to you
today
i have the luxury
of seeing the truth plain enough
i'll call your bluff
today
i have the luxury
of knowing once and for all
the fullness of your flaws
today
i have the luxury
of waking up
in the cold light
of day
i have the luxury
of considering
all the times
i have made myself
a fool
for you
today
i have the luxury
of understanding
how little
i mean to you
today
i have the luxury
of seeing the truth plain enough
i'll call your bluff
today
i have the luxury
of knowing once and for all
the fullness of your flaws
today
i have the luxury
of waking up
in the cold light
of day
Saturday, April 08, 2006
What's your life path number?
I tried this out with the birthdates of several people close to me. It's damn accurate.
| Your Life Path Number is 22 |
 Your purpose in life is to use your power for good Of all the life paths, yours has the most innate power. Your power lies in your vision, and you must recruit others to help you in this vision. You are able to be a great idealist, but you still have the practicality to get things done. In love, you tend to be a big romantic - but you also tend to keep your distance. You have a lot of potential, and it's sometimes hard to live up to. Sometimes you just feel like slipping into obscurity and doing nothing. You tend to be prone to dramatic emotions, until you step back and look at things honestly. |
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Le Mouton
Le mouton qui marche
Le mouton qu'on mange
Le mouton qui est delicieux
Le mouton qu'on appelle la chevre
Le mouton qui suit le berger
Le mouton qui est tres stupide
Le mouton que les loups aiment attaquer
Le mouton qui resemble a l'humain
-deborah
Le mouton qu'on mange
Le mouton qui est delicieux
Le mouton qu'on appelle la chevre
Le mouton qui suit le berger
Le mouton qui est tres stupide
Le mouton que les loups aiment attaquer
Le mouton qui resemble a l'humain
-deborah
Monday, April 03, 2006
What kind of soul are you?
| You Are a Dreaming Soul |
 Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul |
Thursday, March 23, 2006
What type of writer should you be?
| You Should Be A Poet |
 You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem. |
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Silent Hours
In these silent hours
I sit and write
I delve into an existence
bigger than that of mine
the woes,
the trails and injustices
of a people, subject
to the insatiable desires of
mankind
faceless names,
mere words,
sketched scenarios
ink on paper
mere words,
which have the power to
change a person's life
Mere words
How much more
could mere words
guided by
love
transform
a person's life?
I would like to know.
I sit and write
I delve into an existence
bigger than that of mine
the woes,
the trails and injustices
of a people, subject
to the insatiable desires of
mankind
faceless names,
mere words,
sketched scenarios
ink on paper
mere words,
which have the power to
change a person's life
Mere words
How much more
could mere words
guided by
love
transform
a person's life?
I would like to know.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
hugging a lost shirt
The lost shirt
the owner has left
is hugged
close to the chest
of the man who
once knew the man
all that remains
is a lost shirt
for him to cling
on to
reliving the memories
trying to capture
the essence of
the person he once knew
The lost shirt
so thin, so weightless
so insubstantial.
The lost shirt
so precious
because it's
all that he has,
all he has
ever had
the owner has left
is hugged
close to the chest
of the man who
once knew the man
all that remains
is a lost shirt
for him to cling
on to
reliving the memories
trying to capture
the essence of
the person he once knew
The lost shirt
so thin, so weightless
so insubstantial.
The lost shirt
so precious
because it's
all that he has,
all he has
ever had
Saturday, March 18, 2006
The mist is clearing
The mist is clearing
so why is my heart
so heavy
the mist is clearing
my eyes are opening
do i know anything
more now that all
that I've always felt
has been articulated
into facts that stare
at me in the face
low and gloaming
What can i do
what can i do?
Run away from a state
that will never change
quiet, be still
scamper on,
in the wheel they
make for you
make as if to protest
but idly watch
as another innocent they molest
as more and more
lies
are generated each day
in black and white
will we ever
wake up
or will we continue
pretending
that there is change?
nothing's changing
nothing will change
the air is stifling
but lay quiet
oh so quiet
there's only one gang
in town now
and the
gang bang
will reduce any man
to a pauper,liar,pariah...
for at least now,
we've got food, shelter, money
we've got safety
we've got all we ever need
safe in
our prison cells
we've got all we ever want
"No Surprises"
A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal
You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
Silent, silent
This is my final fit, my final bellyache with
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises please
Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises please (let me out of here)
so why is my heart
so heavy
the mist is clearing
my eyes are opening
do i know anything
more now that all
that I've always felt
has been articulated
into facts that stare
at me in the face
low and gloaming
What can i do
what can i do?
Run away from a state
that will never change
quiet, be still
scamper on,
in the wheel they
make for you
make as if to protest
but idly watch
as another innocent they molest
as more and more
lies
are generated each day
in black and white
will we ever
wake up
or will we continue
pretending
that there is change?
nothing's changing
nothing will change
the air is stifling
but lay quiet
oh so quiet
there's only one gang
in town now
and the
gang bang
will reduce any man
to a pauper,liar,pariah...
for at least now,
we've got food, shelter, money
we've got safety
we've got all we ever need
safe in
our prison cells
we've got all we ever want
"No Surprises"
A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal
You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
Silent, silent
This is my final fit, my final bellyache with
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises please
Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises please (let me out of here)
Thursday, March 02, 2006
So many have gone
So many have come and gone
how many more times
will i hear about
and see the people
that pass through
my life
disappear, depart, leave...
how many more times
will i see the passing
of another soul
from this earth
into eternity?
How many more times
can my heart take
the brokeness
that comes when
you give your heart to someone
and have them taken from you
How many more tears
can i shed
for a lonely heart
and why do i cry so much?
So many have gone
i cannot think
now, because
i just cannot think of
the ones closest
to me...
being taken away from me
being taken away
So many have gone
and everytime
i see another one go
I think of you.
how many more times
will i hear about
and see the people
that pass through
my life
disappear, depart, leave...
how many more times
will i see the passing
of another soul
from this earth
into eternity?
How many more times
can my heart take
the brokeness
that comes when
you give your heart to someone
and have them taken from you
How many more tears
can i shed
for a lonely heart
and why do i cry so much?
So many have gone
i cannot think
now, because
i just cannot think of
the ones closest
to me...
being taken away from me
being taken away
So many have gone
and everytime
i see another one go
I think of you.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
From you to me
We all keep secrets
not big ones
just little things that we keep to ourselves
not one person knows these things, except yourself
little things that you don't think about
but you know in your heart
little things that you recognize
that you never feel the impulse to share with
anyone
Until you meet someone who cares enough to know
and then it just comes out on the spot
I've got a little secret
(which i cannot speak of)
Nobody knows what that means... to me.
it's a little secret.
And, We all keep secrets...
We all keep secrets
until the day
our hearts meet with
the person who cares enough
to want to know and then,
The secrets will cease to be...
but until then.
We all keep secrets.
not big ones
just little things that we keep to ourselves
not one person knows these things, except yourself
little things that you don't think about
but you know in your heart
little things that you recognize
that you never feel the impulse to share with
anyone
Until you meet someone who cares enough to know
and then it just comes out on the spot
I've got a little secret
(which i cannot speak of)
Nobody knows what that means... to me.
it's a little secret.
And, We all keep secrets...
We all keep secrets
until the day
our hearts meet with
the person who cares enough
to want to know and then,
The secrets will cease to be...
but until then.
We all keep secrets.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Bring me back post
Bring me back post..
keep me here
where i cannot stay
where i can only go
Bring me back
I want to know
I want to fold
back again
I want to know
I want to feel
the thoughts i once
thought i did know
I want to go
Bring me back post
Bring me back post
post rock
post house
post you
post you and me
Bring me back post
post rock
post house
post you
post you and me
post you and me.
keep me here
where i cannot stay
where i can only go
Bring me back
I want to know
I want to fold
back again
I want to know
I want to feel
the thoughts i once
thought i did know
I want to go
Bring me back post
Bring me back post
post rock
post house
post you
post you and me
Bring me back post
post rock
post house
post you
post you and me
post you and me.
Friday, February 17, 2006
What is love?
What is love?
Let me count the ways in which I have loved...
I have given without counting the cost
I have loved with abandonment
I have forgiven deep hurts
I have learnt to trust better
I have learnt to be more open; to be less guarded; and to give other people a chance
I have come to see that the best gifts are those that are given freely
I have come to see that you cannot define or set parameters for the ways that people love
Each person loves differently. flawed tho' it maybe. It is still love
and when we can recognize that
we can learn to embrace life.
We can learn to truly love and live.
Let me count the ways in which I have been loved...
I have been created by a God who loves me regardless;
who gives me unconditional love
who does not care for the accolades, the acheivements
the successes in my life,
instead, he cares for the well-being of my soul.
The obedience and trust that he seeks from me.
Yet in spite of all this, he trusted me with a powerful powerful
thing called, 'FREE WILL'
yes indeed. He took the risk to give me free will
the God who died for me on the cross.
That is love.
Let me count the ways I have been loved again.. by those I hold dear to me on
planet earth
I have been forgiven
I have been accepted for who I am
I have been helped and received in my times of need
I have been sought out by people who saw beauty in me
I have been treasured by friends and family who
have had faith in me, who could see the good in me,
even when I could not see it in myself
I have been embraced
I have been held in my weakest moments
My hand has been held by people dear to me
I have been trusted
I have been confided in
I have been able to confide in many people who truly cared.
I have been guided
I have been led
I have been trusted
I have experienced love that tried
it's best to meet me in my deepest need.
I have been chastised by a love that demands
my spiritual growth.
Even though it was hard.
I have been loved.
And I have loved.
If I should go today to meet my maker.
I would have no regrets.
Because love has always guided me.
And will always be there with me...
even beyond the grave.
Let me count the ways in which I have loved...
I have given without counting the cost
I have loved with abandonment
I have forgiven deep hurts
I have learnt to trust better
I have learnt to be more open; to be less guarded; and to give other people a chance
I have come to see that the best gifts are those that are given freely
I have come to see that you cannot define or set parameters for the ways that people love
Each person loves differently. flawed tho' it maybe. It is still love
and when we can recognize that
we can learn to embrace life.
We can learn to truly love and live.
Let me count the ways in which I have been loved...
I have been created by a God who loves me regardless;
who gives me unconditional love
who does not care for the accolades, the acheivements
the successes in my life,
instead, he cares for the well-being of my soul.
The obedience and trust that he seeks from me.
Yet in spite of all this, he trusted me with a powerful powerful
thing called, 'FREE WILL'
yes indeed. He took the risk to give me free will
the God who died for me on the cross.
That is love.
Let me count the ways I have been loved again.. by those I hold dear to me on
planet earth
I have been forgiven
I have been accepted for who I am
I have been helped and received in my times of need
I have been sought out by people who saw beauty in me
I have been treasured by friends and family who
have had faith in me, who could see the good in me,
even when I could not see it in myself
I have been embraced
I have been held in my weakest moments
My hand has been held by people dear to me
I have been trusted
I have been confided in
I have been able to confide in many people who truly cared.
I have been guided
I have been led
I have been trusted
I have experienced love that tried
it's best to meet me in my deepest need.
I have been chastised by a love that demands
my spiritual growth.
Even though it was hard.
I have been loved.
And I have loved.
If I should go today to meet my maker.
I would have no regrets.
Because love has always guided me.
And will always be there with me...
even beyond the grave.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Flying, falling...
I'm flying falling
wonderin' if you even think of me
I'm free falling
wonderin' if you ever feel for me
I'm free falling
down into
nothingness
numb my heart
change my feelings
lock my heart away
somewhere safe, somewhere safe
fall away, fall away
so we can be
nothing more
than just
a pale vision
of yesterday's dreamers
wonderin' if you even think of me
I'm free falling
wonderin' if you ever feel for me
I'm free falling
down into
nothingness
numb my heart
change my feelings
lock my heart away
somewhere safe, somewhere safe
fall away, fall away
so we can be
nothing more
than just
a pale vision
of yesterday's dreamers
Friday, January 27, 2006
Il est temps que je m'explique
It is time for me to explain myself
I hate the beach
I hate the shifting sands
in which my ankles get into a panic
I hate the shoulders -
sunburnt to the second degree
I hate the rusted vans
of ice-cream sellers
I hate the faded covers
of summer magazines
I hate the third hour after midday
when it might just as well be five
It is, still, the sea that
displeases me the least
but to reach it
It is necessary to cross the beach
- My translation of 'Il est temps que je m'explique' by Pierre Douvres (below)
Je hais la plage
Je hais le sable incertain
ou la cheville s'affole
Je hais les omoplates
des brûlés du deuxième degré
Je hais la camionnette rouillée
du marchand de glaces
Je hais la couverture délavée
des magzines de l'été
Je hais trois heures de l'après-midi
quand il pourrait tout aussi bien en être cinq
C'est encore la mer qui me déplairait le moins
mais pour l'atteindre
il faut traverser la plage
I hate the beach
I hate the shifting sands
in which my ankles get into a panic
I hate the shoulders -
sunburnt to the second degree
I hate the rusted vans
of ice-cream sellers
I hate the faded covers
of summer magazines
I hate the third hour after midday
when it might just as well be five
It is, still, the sea that
displeases me the least
but to reach it
It is necessary to cross the beach
- My translation of 'Il est temps que je m'explique' by Pierre Douvres (below)
Je hais la plage
Je hais le sable incertain
ou la cheville s'affole
Je hais les omoplates
des brûlés du deuxième degré
Je hais la camionnette rouillée
du marchand de glaces
Je hais la couverture délavée
des magzines de l'été
Je hais trois heures de l'après-midi
quand il pourrait tout aussi bien en être cinq
C'est encore la mer qui me déplairait le moins
mais pour l'atteindre
il faut traverser la plage
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Grow Old With Me
friend.
face me
now
look into my eyes
I care for you
can't you tell
i'm longing for the words to say
a chance to express
my feelings for you
but I can't
grow old with me
not before the time
that was meant
for
us to be
Grow old with
me
Grow old with
me
Grow old with
me
face me
now
look into my eyes
I care for you
can't you tell
i'm longing for the words to say
a chance to express
my feelings for you
but I can't
grow old with me
not before the time
that was meant
for
us to be
Grow old with
me
Grow old with
me
Grow old with
me
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Let Love Grow
A while back I told someone that I liked him. Very much. He replied that he liked me too. But that he was comfortable with the relationship we had. He asked me what I wanted to see in the relationship and I said the first thing that came into my mind, 'I hope to see love grow'. I asked him then, what he'd like to see and he told me that he wanted to see me happy.
Recently, I've been going through alot. Moving out, financial disputes with my mother... on top of this I've been grappling with my emotions for this person. What does he want really? What does he mean when he says he wants to see me happy? And what do i mean when I say 'i hope to see love grow?'
It's hard, when you really like someone and you don't know where to go from there. You don't really know where to put your feelings or what to do about your emotional attachment to that person.
Today, I found this song! it's called 'Let Love Grow' How apt. It's a pretty open-ended song I think. But the words, 'Love is decision and sacrifice and without them love cannot go on' struck me the most. That's when I checked out the title of the song and found out that the title was 'Let Love Grow'
Decision and Sacrifice. That's a really interesting concept. Love is often associated with feelings and emotions. But in fact, Love is more than just that. It's a conscious effort involving decision and sacrifice.
I wonder now how often have i applied that with the people in my life? Especially with my family? That's something that will take some time to sort out.
For now. I will let the flowers grow.
Lyrics to 'Let Love Grow' by Paul Colman Trio
You know that you're such a lonely child
Did you ever let me know?
You say our love was an oversight
And now that you're gone you can grow
And there you go
Love is emotion and wanderlust
And feelings too deep for a song
But love is decision and sacrifice
And without them love can't go on
But there you go
There you go
Bring back the flowers of spring in this heart
Heal up the wounds that have torn us apart
Fall like the rain in the midst of a drought
And wherever you go
Let love grow
Time to pick up these pieces and start again
And draw a new map of the world
The regeneration of all of creation
Begins with a soul that will turn
So here I go
Here we go
Recently, I've been going through alot. Moving out, financial disputes with my mother... on top of this I've been grappling with my emotions for this person. What does he want really? What does he mean when he says he wants to see me happy? And what do i mean when I say 'i hope to see love grow?'
It's hard, when you really like someone and you don't know where to go from there. You don't really know where to put your feelings or what to do about your emotional attachment to that person.
Today, I found this song! it's called 'Let Love Grow' How apt. It's a pretty open-ended song I think. But the words, 'Love is decision and sacrifice and without them love cannot go on' struck me the most. That's when I checked out the title of the song and found out that the title was 'Let Love Grow'
Decision and Sacrifice. That's a really interesting concept. Love is often associated with feelings and emotions. But in fact, Love is more than just that. It's a conscious effort involving decision and sacrifice.
I wonder now how often have i applied that with the people in my life? Especially with my family? That's something that will take some time to sort out.
For now. I will let the flowers grow.
Lyrics to 'Let Love Grow' by Paul Colman Trio
You know that you're such a lonely child
Did you ever let me know?
You say our love was an oversight
And now that you're gone you can grow
And there you go
Love is emotion and wanderlust
And feelings too deep for a song
But love is decision and sacrifice
And without them love can't go on
But there you go
There you go
Bring back the flowers of spring in this heart
Heal up the wounds that have torn us apart
Fall like the rain in the midst of a drought
And wherever you go
Let love grow
Time to pick up these pieces and start again
And draw a new map of the world
The regeneration of all of creation
Begins with a soul that will turn
So here I go
Here we go
Monday, January 16, 2006
Aloha!
It was Praptee's birthday today. Antish and Jenn bought pizza and Phillip, their friend who helped us to fix the internet joined in the celebration. We took lots of photos; One of the four pizza's from California 2 for 1 doubled up as her Birthday cake.
After dinner, I played a couple of songs... 'Come here' by Kath Bloom, at Praptee's request. It's her favorite song ever, from the soundtrack of Before Sunset. I also played 'More than words' very rustily, at Jenn's request. keke.
Later on we went to the 'Wine Connection' at Mohammed Sultan. It was so fun. One of the waiters looked really familiar and i realized i met him at the Stasis gig. He was one of the 'extra' rah rah boys at 'The Pinholes' gig. It was pretty cool. He gave me alot of leads into the local music scene. Very useful for my thesis i think. Well, that is, as soon as I come up with a thesis statement.
We also met this Irish chap. When Praptee was working there, he dropped by regularly, on his own, always ordering a bottle of wine for himself and a cheese plate. We were heading off after our bottle of white wine and he said hi to Praptee, I told him that it was her Birthday and he invited us to join him for a chat.
It was pretty interesting. The more you talk to people from all over the world, the more you realize how much you have in common. He's into Placebo and good gigs. Ok, admittedly I'm not into Placebo, yet, although I attended their gig at Zouk years back. But still...
Later on, Praps and I went for a walk along Clarke Quay. They've completely 'plasticized' the place. The whole place is covered with some mutation of a giant umbrella and all the eateries have been transformed into, as Praps says, 'lifeboats'. It sucks. Whatever vestiges of character the place once had is now completely gone. The place is a fucking franchise.
Anyways, we walked right to the end of Clarke Quay, where the bungee jump is. Next, we sat ourselves down by the side of the river and lay down.
'Why is it that in Singapore you can't see the stars?' Praps asks me.
'Coz' in Singapore the lights are too bright, even at night, it's unnaturally bright - all the buildings are lighted up; that's why you don't see the stars' I tell her in my half-drunken state.
I doze off for a while. And upon waking I say, 'hey praps, wanna head back? It's getting late...'
We head back... walking slowly, leisurely... and I take a slow drive back to the Gold Coast. It has been a beautiful night out. We have lived. Today.
After dinner, I played a couple of songs... 'Come here' by Kath Bloom, at Praptee's request. It's her favorite song ever, from the soundtrack of Before Sunset. I also played 'More than words' very rustily, at Jenn's request. keke.
Later on we went to the 'Wine Connection' at Mohammed Sultan. It was so fun. One of the waiters looked really familiar and i realized i met him at the Stasis gig. He was one of the 'extra' rah rah boys at 'The Pinholes' gig. It was pretty cool. He gave me alot of leads into the local music scene. Very useful for my thesis i think. Well, that is, as soon as I come up with a thesis statement.
We also met this Irish chap. When Praptee was working there, he dropped by regularly, on his own, always ordering a bottle of wine for himself and a cheese plate. We were heading off after our bottle of white wine and he said hi to Praptee, I told him that it was her Birthday and he invited us to join him for a chat.
It was pretty interesting. The more you talk to people from all over the world, the more you realize how much you have in common. He's into Placebo and good gigs. Ok, admittedly I'm not into Placebo, yet, although I attended their gig at Zouk years back. But still...
Later on, Praps and I went for a walk along Clarke Quay. They've completely 'plasticized' the place. The whole place is covered with some mutation of a giant umbrella and all the eateries have been transformed into, as Praps says, 'lifeboats'. It sucks. Whatever vestiges of character the place once had is now completely gone. The place is a fucking franchise.
Anyways, we walked right to the end of Clarke Quay, where the bungee jump is. Next, we sat ourselves down by the side of the river and lay down.
'Why is it that in Singapore you can't see the stars?' Praps asks me.
'Coz' in Singapore the lights are too bright, even at night, it's unnaturally bright - all the buildings are lighted up; that's why you don't see the stars' I tell her in my half-drunken state.
I doze off for a while. And upon waking I say, 'hey praps, wanna head back? It's getting late...'
We head back... walking slowly, leisurely... and I take a slow drive back to the Gold Coast. It has been a beautiful night out. We have lived. Today.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Moving
I'm moving
home
moving on
waving goodbye
to pieces
and shards of memories that
have gone skewed along the way
I'm moving
on
I'm moving
onwards, upwards, forwards
I'm moving in closer
to the prize
to which you call me to
I'm moving in closer
to the love you
long to lavish on me
I'm moving in closer
to knowing you lord
closer to you
home
moving on
waving goodbye
to pieces
and shards of memories that
have gone skewed along the way
I'm moving
on
I'm moving
onwards, upwards, forwards
I'm moving in closer
to the prize
to which you call me to
I'm moving in closer
to the love you
long to lavish on me
I'm moving in closer
to knowing you lord
closer to you
Friday, January 06, 2006
Color Therapy
Brown
You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.
Which color are you?
http://web.tickle.com/invite?test=1108&type=t
You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.
Which color are you?
http://web.tickle.com/invite?test=1108&type=t
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
always right
you're always right
if you give up the fight
you're always wrong
if you sing your own song
you know where you're going
when you fit with the masses
you know what you're doing
when you act like all the other asses
if you choose to be free
would you dare to embrace it
if you choose to be happy
would you not want to face it
would you run away from the secrets
of your calling
would you taste the bitter pill
to keep from falling
into the the pit of emotional dependence
and of helpless infatuation
the hope of love that is always one step away?
would you dare to scale the heights
if you never knew for sure
what you'd see at the top?
always right. don't take the risk
of not taking the risk
is it really worth it?
if you give up the fight
you're always wrong
if you sing your own song
you know where you're going
when you fit with the masses
you know what you're doing
when you act like all the other asses
if you choose to be free
would you dare to embrace it
if you choose to be happy
would you not want to face it
would you run away from the secrets
of your calling
would you taste the bitter pill
to keep from falling
into the the pit of emotional dependence
and of helpless infatuation
the hope of love that is always one step away?
would you dare to scale the heights
if you never knew for sure
what you'd see at the top?
always right. don't take the risk
of not taking the risk
is it really worth it?
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